Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Yeah, yeah. It's Hump Day, but get off my leg, please. I don't like you that much.

   at the current rate of the economy hookers are gonna be giving away toasters soon.

   You know right about now cyphing gas outta folks cars really dont sound that crazy too me

   I'm not sure which I find more nauseating, every detail of the Royal Wedding being broadcast, The View, or that they're advertsing the The View's live Royal Wedding coverage.

   75% of my regrets involve hitting the "Share" button.

   I tried to help my Uncle Mario contact his dead brother, I tried everything but even the Luigi board didn't work.

   disappointed that all libraries don't carry free adderall

   's current releationship status: A single woman in a complicated relationship,with a married man,who is in an open relationship with a widow, who is engaged to my cousin.

   It's for you Mr. Reid. It's Al Sharpton and he sounds pissed. You better take the call because he likes to march about as much as the Germans

   George Washington's brother, Larry, was the Uncle of Our Country."

   When your cat suddenly runs out of the room at the speed of lightning, it was actually a failed ambush.

   Some people have all the luck. They're called "cheaters."

   Happy Halloweenkend!!

   Does anyone else find it ironic that election day is on Dia de los Muertos? What a conundrum.

   enough about what's on my mind, what's on yours?

   An awkward morning beats a boring night.

   Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different.

   Hallmark Card: "I've always wanted someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

   always proof read to make sure you dont any of the words out

   I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?