Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   there is no elevator to success! You have to take the stairs, one step at a time.

   I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.

   Yeah, yeah. It's Hump Day, but get off my leg, please. I don't like you that much.

   at the current rate of the economy hookers are gonna be giving away toasters soon.

   You know right about now cyphing gas outta folks cars really dont sound that crazy too me

   I'm not sure which I find more nauseating, every detail of the Royal Wedding being broadcast, The View, or that they're advertsing the The View's live Royal Wedding coverage.

   75% of my regrets involve hitting the "Share" button.

   I tried to help my Uncle Mario contact his dead brother, I tried everything but even the Luigi board didn't work.

   I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?

   needs a hero! If not then at least a BLT....I'm hungry.

   Some people have all the luck. They're called "cheaters."

   Happy Halloweenkend!!

   Does anyone else find it ironic that election day is on Dia de los Muertos? What a conundrum.

   enough about what's on my mind, what's on yours?

   An awkward morning beats a boring night.

   Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different.

   Hallmark Card: "I've always wanted someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

   always proof read to make sure you dont any of the words out

   disappointed that all libraries don't carry free adderall

   's current releationship status: A single woman in a complicated relationship,with a married man,who is in an open relationship with a widow, who is engaged to my cousin.