Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2812 of 6447

They say " you can attract more bees with honey, rather than vinegar." Why the crap do I want more bees around me?
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11-19-2011 13:17
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Dear life, whats the fricking recipe for lemonade?
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11-20-2011 22:22
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at lunch and saw a Mexican guy with a mullet. Negocio in the front, fiesta in the back.

Facebook needs a “remove from existence” button. That way I don't have to see their posts on mutual friends' walls, and I can just forget that they even exist
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11-22-2011 20:39 by BEGO
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Don't call me son unless you're going to include me in your will.
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11-29-2011 19:37 by Seanathon
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Scientific fact: You do in fact have a wonderful Christmas time when you don't hear that awful Paul McCartney song.
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11-30-2011 10:19 by flinnie
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Saying "dude." before you say something important.
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12-13-2011 20:30 by g0re
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talk is cheap, but I guess that's the only thing your broke ass can afford
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12-15-2011 12:10 by Mr. Ryan
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I don't want you charity unless your charity is bacon and then I will take it.

My dog ate the garbage so told him he was bad,, He yelled "you're not my real dad!" and ran away ........ wait,, I don't have a dog
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04-06-2012 17:27 by snotty
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It's a shame that Qatar's national airline is "Qatar Airways",, and not the far superior "Air Qatar".
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04-06-2012 17:35 by snotty
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I'll check again but i'm pretty sure I could care less that Brad and Angelina are getting married...
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04-16-2012 10:51 by Steve OH
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Well skank you. Skank you very much!
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02-10-2011 13:35
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time for those homeless people with will work for food signs to grab a shovel
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02-23-2011 22:13 by migasjoe
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So I re-watched the Ke$ha video after a half a bottle of wine last night, and not even while intoxicated does that sh*t makes sense! I guess you have to get some blow, to get Blow
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03-03-2011 02:37 by Rachael
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That awkward moment when your parents are looking over your shoulder at your Facebook page, and you dont know what to do..
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03-09-2011 03:09 by @DonSixx
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Just conquered Super Mario Brothers without using any warp zones. I'm the man.
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04-02-2011 10:29
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A nice name for a girl would be Regrette.

I want my tombstone to say "Watch where your standing... that hurts!"
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08-20-2011 15:34 by J.P.
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If I ever Google "things to eat in my fridge" and list is correct thats when I'll really be impressed with Google Earth.
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08-28-2011 07:51 by JBabcock
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