Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon They say " you can attract more bees with honey, rather than vinegar." Why the crap do I want more bees around me?
←Rate | 11-19-2011 13:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear life, whats the fricking recipe for lemonade?
←Rate | 11-20-2011 22:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon at lunch and saw a Mexican guy with a mullet. Negocio in the front, fiesta in the back.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 13:31 by hoosiergatorfan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook needs a “remove from existence” button. That way I don't have to see their posts on mutual friends' walls, and I can just forget that they even exist
←Rate | 11-22-2011 20:39 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't call me son unless you're going to include me in your will.
←Rate | 11-29-2011 19:37 by Seanathon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scientific fact: You do in fact have a wonderful Christmas time when you don't hear that awful Paul McCartney song.
←Rate | 11-30-2011 10:19 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saying "dude." before you say something important.
←Rate | 12-13-2011 20:30 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon talk is cheap, but I guess that's the only thing your broke ass can afford
←Rate | 12-15-2011 12:10 by Mr. Ryan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want you charity unless your charity is bacon and then I will take it.
←Rate | 03-20-2012 11:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog ate the garbage so told him he was bad,, He yelled "you're not my real dad!" and ran away ........ wait,, I don't have a dog
←Rate | 04-06-2012 17:27 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a shame that Qatar's national airline is "Qatar Airways",, and not the far superior "Air Qatar".
←Rate | 04-06-2012 17:35 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll check again but i'm pretty sure I could care less that Brad and Angelina are getting married...
←Rate | 04-16-2012 10:51 by Steve OH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well skank you. Skank you very much!
←Rate | 02-10-2011 13:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon time for those homeless people with will work for food signs to grab a shovel
←Rate | 02-23-2011 22:13 by migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon So I re-watched the Ke$ha video after a half a bottle of wine last night, and not even while intoxicated does that sh*t makes sense! I guess you have to get some blow, to get Blow
←Rate | 03-03-2011 02:37 by Rachael Comments (0)  


   messageicon That awkward moment when your parents are looking over your shoulder at your Facebook page, and you dont know what to do..
←Rate | 03-09-2011 03:09 by @DonSixx Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just conquered Super Mario Brothers without using any warp zones. I'm the man.
←Rate | 04-02-2011 10:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A nice name for a girl would be Regrette.
←Rate | 08-17-2011 18:38 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want my tombstone to say "Watch where your standing... that hurts!"
←Rate | 08-20-2011 15:34 by J.P. Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever Google "things to eat in my fridge" and list is correct thats when I'll really be impressed with Google Earth.
←Rate | 08-28-2011 07:51 by JBabcock Comments (0)  




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