Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   CNN debate polls are in: Hillary 4% Sanders 6% Webb 2% Putin 70% Karl Marx 18%

   Working for God does not pay much, but His retirement plan is out of this world

   I love a good political joke. Unless it gets elected president...

   When Donald Trump was the President, CNN asked for Trump's resignation on daily basis for mishandling of Coronavirus. Now 1 million daily cases, CNN is on the verge of giving Nobel peace award to Joe Biden & Kamala Harris.

   Hey single ladies, you want a boyfriend? Easy! Learn to shut up and dramatically lower your standards!

   Remember when you were a kid and used to blow bubbles? Well Bubbles called and he wants your phone number...

   will return after a brief word from our sponsors

   I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She replied, "S3x! S3x! S3x! Free s3x tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 6663629."

   My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together..... I sh*t you knot."

   Mandatory voting? Reminds me of saw a video I saw about a leader who forced people to do crazy stuff under his leadership. But it was hard to understand, the narration was in German.

   I think I'm going to post the Constitution in my Facebook status. That way the government might read it.

   When the cashier said "Strip down facing me" how was I supposed to know she meant my debit card?

   Phuck the IslamaNazi's.....

   Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.

   It's so cold out that I saw two gangsters with their pants UP

   Ugh, still writing 2012 on my death threats.

   Hillary wears pantsuits because her balls would show in a dress!!

   if you die in a elevator....press the UP button!

   if someone at your church tells you that you have a servant's heart......you're about to start stackin' chairs.

   It's amazing how many Catholic priests have left the church to pursue careers with the TSA...