Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense

   I don't mind going to work. It's that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.

   What I lack in imagination,,, I make up.

   Penn State.....There's always Academics!

   I'll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.

   “if I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning.” And yet, people complain about today's song lyrics…

   Sometimes pretending to be busy takes more effort than being busy.

   Ladies and Gentlemen, the end of the world has been postponed due to lack of interest .

   If it requires clothes…I probably don't want to do it with you.

   If you received a Christmas gift, but you didn't p ost a picture of it on your FB wall, did you really receive a gift?

   I'm anxiously awaiting my front row tickets to...what goes around comes around

   My imaginary friend is dating Manti Teo's ex-imaginary-girlfriend.

   You people freak me out talking about stalking. Especially you.... sitting there in your blue & white striped polo shirt reading that book on your couch.

   Plan for tonight: 1. get off work and drink till Monday. 2. figure the rest out later

   really bummed there was no wardrobe malfunction this year

   Nobody has criticized me yet today. I should call my ex-wife and say hello.

   I almost got raped in jail once. My family takes Monopoly way too seriously.

   Hillary's poll numbers are dropping faster than Bill Clinton's pants in an Arkansas trailer park

   R.I.P. Janet Reno. But at least she'll still be voting for Hillary.

   ..... "The system is rigged!!!" ------ Hillary Clinton.