Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
A Dog Calls 911: 911: What's the emergency? Dog: My owner threw a ball but I can’t find it 911: Did you check his hand? Dog: Of course I checked his han—DANGIT!!!!! 
It's called "Independence Day" not "Dependence Day" for a reason
Having 50 girlfriends isn't swag. Having 1 girlfriend and 49 chasing you is...
A couple kisses and gropes in public and nobody bats an eye but let a mother breastfeed in public and all hell breaks loose. How did we get to this as a society?
Ironically, Madonna's offer to Hillary Voters was the same one Amy Schumer made to her producers to get her comedy show in the first place.
"Jesus Loves You" is a great thing to hear in Church but a terrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
I'm as broke as a pick pocket in a nudist colony.
Blonde girl tells her Blonde friend. I just f cked a " Brazilian " guy.
She said " You Slut! How many is a Brazilian!?"
If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diahrea,does that mean 1 enjoys it?
The key to happiness is self-delusion. Try not to think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion.
Attention Everyone: Hillbilly is really Re-run. Don't be fooled by Hillbilly's lies.
If protesting for social justice was good for business, THEN...Kaepernick would have a job! The NFL will soon be in hospice care.
I just checked on my Farmville after 3 years. It's now a Wal-mart
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
“Ladies and gentlemen; we are gathered here today because SOMEBODY couldn't stay alive.” - This is why they don’t let me give speeches at funerals anymore.
A restraining order is kinda like a love note right?
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don't worry, another study says you're just being paranoid.
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Of course I still stalk you online I'm just making sure I don't miss the moment when karma finds you
I put on my pants just like everyone else around here, reluctantly. 