Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kenya please explain why you called Chad a Niger? You Congo around using words like that or all of a Sudan you Ghana have no place Togo

   I don't want a relationship where people say "They look so cute together." I want one where they say, "Look how happy they are together."

   Three blondes walk into a bar.....you'd think one of them would have seen it.

   Women are like condoms; if they're not on your d!ck, they're in your wallet.

   Just saw Transformers.... Greatest Transformer movie ever. I thought the lack of any actual Transformers was a bit odd, but Jim Carrey was hilarious & those penguins were adorable!

   Her legs are like the waffle house.. Open 24/7 but people only eat there when they're drunk

   I would pay good money to watch a midget ride a Pitbull .

   Best part about the death of bin Laden... It got the media to shut up about the stupid Royal Wedding.

   Already got my Halloween costume idea for next year...I'm reusing my Chewbacca costume from this year, putting a tight dress on it and going as Khloe Kardashian

   Did you read the news? 4,000 Dead Birds Drop From the Sky! Looks like God likes playing Angry Birds too!! Tee Hee!

   wants to know how angry you are with him, on a scale of 1 to Chris Brown

   just ate a Beefy 5 Layer Burrito at Taco Bell for lunch. A guy that works there gives them to me for $0.89 each. He must like me or something.

   I'm Homy... I bet 99% of you pervs misread that.

   "In college Paul Ryan drove the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. So he and Romney have something in common. Both have the experience of driving a car with a dog on the roof."

   Earlier today I got a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.I told them to kiss my a$$. Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving..lol

   Hey lady in the other car, eating and talking on your cell phone. It's called a Ford Focus...not a Ford Multi-task

   wondering if its cool in China to get English words tattooed on their arms.

   now understands, the reason he cant find his car keys is because he doesnt have a car.

   if there is one flaw in women, it is this...they forget there worth and how remarkable they truly are!

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.