Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Sarcastically Delicious!!! 
Kate Gosselin had a garage sale , she did good.... she has 3 kids left.
She takes a backseat to no one. But will get in the back seat with anyone.
The McRib is like the IRS...Both come around once a year, and when they do everybody cringes!!!
believes that all you need in a tool box is Duct Tape and WD40. If it moves and shouldn't, use Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use WD40
If a woman says she likes it she hates it, if she says she loves it she likes it, if she is speechless she loves it
thinks that punctuality is appreciated in all situations except in bed.....apparently women are not for the whole "coming too early" thing!
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin' STILL isn't easy.
Hey John its your grandmother. Could you tell me how to work this cell phone you got me for Christmas? ~ Sent via payphone.
thinking that now that I have a laptop computer, iPhone, GPS and tablet PC, my ADD is actually a positive thing now.
No matter what I do... I always end up back to Facebook... I try to look for other things to do online... but apparently seeing other peoples statuses, conversations, pictures, videos, and occasionally getting poked entertains me...
still waiting for Spaceballs II: The Search For More Money to come out.
just because the shampoo bottle says strawberry dont means it taste like strawberries
wishes they'd make an app that turns my iPhone into a taser..
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
I had a bad feeling Casey was getting off the hook when I saw the envelope the verdict was in had been sealed by duct tape.
why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves!
Most men discover that they've crossed the line from flirty to creepy five years too late.
some people decided to put their umbrellas up when it was raining intelligence
Admit it, sometimes, even when your crush does something really weird…. it still looks cute for you. 