Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Internet postings show that the Northwest Airlines terrorism suspect was depressed and lonely. Apparently the thought of arriving in Detroit just put him over the edge.

   Ran into a flasher today, but it's so cold out he handed me a picture instead!

   believes that if you tellyour boss what you really thinkof him, the truth will set youfree.

   Thank You Mr. Edible Underwear Maker: You combined two of mans favorite things Panties and Food. They're a snack, they're underwear, they're a snack AND underwear. Brilliant! Nothing says, "I want you" like a mouthful of underpants!!!!

   My life is based on a true story.

   Fat bottomed girls, You make the rockin' world go round.

   I'm not a tease, I'm just a reminder of what you can't have

   thinks Cupid should upgrade to a crossbow and dip his arrows in Rohypnol to help out the really ugly people.

   What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? About 45 lbs

   how much dryer detergent do you put in the dryer?

   This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being

   So glad republicans don't ever riot or protest. They have guns but they also have respect for democracy

   Hey Hillary! Are there any remaining campaign funds to make a trip to a microphone and ask your supporters to chill out?

   The ole saying is: if you can't beat em join em, but don't join the stupid liberals protesting. . .

   Well, It is becoming very self evident who the REAL and True Tolerant people in the US are. Just look who can't refrain from being violent.

   If you're over 23 and you post pics of yourself flipping the bird, just accept the fact that you're a complete imbecile.

   Isn't it curious how almost all of the Networks slammed the evil Republican Convention all this week. Prediction: They will almost all have an ecstatic and excited thrill running up and down their collective legs during the Democrat convention.

   One bad cop became the cure for Corona. Who knew?

   Anyone besides me have that totally narcissistic FB friend that post the most mundane things about their life because they think people actually care? Typing this while pooping.

   I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'