Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
I pledged allegiance “to the Republic for Witches Stand” until the 4th grade. 
When I was a kid..They didnt call it ADHD.. They called it you getting a whoopin' you little brat!
Honey, I let myself go and gained all this weight to prevent other men from hitting on me. You think I want to look like this? I do this for you.
Halloween isn't really that different than any other day.. everyone's still pretending to be someone or something their not.
Attention all crackheads,and homeless people.... it is a very bad time to ask me if I have any "spare change" when I'm pumping $4.39 a gallon gas into my car.
Watching the Cowboys. The John Wayne ones, not the loosing ones.
oh yes, talk dirty to me...whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Tell me how you're gonna bend over that sink and ... wash them damn dishes!
The bigfoot post was awesome. Pay attention people, this is the kind of stuff we're looking for!
Q. What do you call a French man in sandals? A. Philippe Philoppe
sometimes I just want to run up to a stranger on the street, smack them on the chest, yell 'YOU'RE IT!!' and then run away.
NASA is only bombing the moon to help get rid of werewolves...
I saw an unemployed,homeless dwarf. He had a sign that said "No job. Too small."
wonders if someone driving a VW bug knows they are causing fistfights wherever they go.
My girlfriend got f**ked by a clown before we dated. So I have some pretty big shoes to fill.
The Rock has lost 48 million followers in the last few days.
Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
If you plant a block of Ramen noodles in the ground and water it with Bud Lite it will grow into a college student named Todd who loves MMA...
as a proud bully, I am tired of being picked on and harassed by these antibully people.
Enough about the #RoyalBaby. Where's Aunt Pippa??
I just spelled something so badly that autocorrect shot milk out of it's nose. 