Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If I stop my car for you to walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knee's to chest b!tch , knee's to chest!!!

   I asked my mom one time why I was white and she was black. She said, " the way I remember the party you're lucky you don't bark."

   Women who build walls around yourselves, please consider putting in a gloryhole.

   I always wondered if songbirds get mad at hummingbirds for not knowing the lyrics...

   A Smart woman does not make babies with boyfriends.

   Cinco de Mayo. I don't see what the big deal is. The Mexicans were victorious over the French.........who can't beat the French

   ____&_____ <----- This totally looks like a person scooting there as$ on the floor..lol

   Wow, it's beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn't a glare on my screen.

   I hate it when you are looking for something and you realize that it is in your hand.

   Restraining orders: Just another way to say I LOVE YOUUU...

   doesn't believe in superstitions....it's bad luck!!

   Your intelligence is my common sense.

   I realized 3 VERY deep things today: 1) It's impossible to lick your elbow, 2) No matter how hard you pinch the skin on your elbow, you can't feel it, and 3) You're actually going to try #1and #2!

   I'm not a doctor, but I play one in the emergency room until security shows

   Sign in Bar: "Low-cut blouses are looked down upon in this establishment."

   Octomom "I can't rule out having one more baby." Really? You know what I can definitely rule out? You having even one brain cell left.

   My name is soo much action, it should be a f*ckng verb!

   I JUST READ THEY ARE TAKING A POLL ASKING "HOW OLD IS TOO OLD TO DRIVE" I THINK WHEN YOUR ARE DOING 4 MPH IN THE LEFT LANE AND I CAN'T SEE YOU BEHIND THE WHEEL, AND USING YOUR TURN SIGNAL 37 BLOCKS BEFORE YOU TURN.

   In this world there is plenty of Room for all of gods creatures.....Right next to the Mashed Potatoes and Gravy!!!

   See if you can say "Irish Wristwatch"