Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn't ask my parents. 
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
A beautiful woman touched my balls! It was with her foot when she kicked me, & she thinks my name is “sexist pig”, but I think she likes me!
You know who was hurt the most in this whole ordeal by name association alone... the residents of Sandusky, Ohio... And the American workers at Callahan Auto... they make the best parts money can buy...
I'm sorry, I couldn't understand a single word that was coming out of your boobs.
I proposed my girl today. Apparently "Do you want to be the one who makes sandwiches for me for the rest of my life" isn't the way to do it.
I like to fart while am changing gears
Your Ex ALWAYS seems to pop back up as soon as you forget about them.
The person who came up with the word "lisp" wath a real athhole
Even if women came with directions, you still wouldn't read them.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I'm not reading it.
DEAR FACEBOOK I understand the need to change w/ the times but too much too fast. if you keep myspace-ing we are all gonna google the hell out of here.
It sucks when the ugly friend is the only one that is interested in you.
WELL THE YARD SALE WENT WELL ......$27,000 DOLLARS .......WE WILL BE OFF TO MIAMI FOR A FEW DAYS .....I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BE HERE WHEN THE NEIGHBORS NOTCE THEIR BARBEQUE GRILLS, PATIO FURNITURE AND POTTED PLANTS ARE MISSING ..... TA TA !!!!!
You know you got it bad when you steal WiFi from a church.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
I get re-pissed about an old situation whenever I have a flashback about it.
sometimes watch birds and wonder “If I could fly who would I sh*t on?”
Old: Can I buy you a drink? New : I'll give you fourteen dollars for your phone number.
The only time I have a drinking problem is when I have to close my tab at the end of the night. 