JaxWylde Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon In Store Special - "You're My One and Only" Valentine's Day cards... 4 for $5...
←Rate | 02-04-2011 03:24 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait until next weekend's episode of the best reality show on tv... So You Think You Can Ref...
←Rate | 09-25-2012 12:06 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎[Status update only available to Facebook® Gold™ account holders]
←Rate | 09-27-2011 10:29 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon whenever I start to get tired of being single... I go sleep on the couch to remember what being in a relationship is like.
←Rate | 09-25-2010 13:37 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when WWE finally came out and admitted that everything was staged and that it was entertainment... and how crushing it was for people who still thought it was real?... I'm awaiting politicians to make the same announcement...
←Rate | 06-23-2016 20:02 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon If all my Christmas presents were wrapped in bubble wrap... it's be like two gifts in one!!
←Rate | 12-25-2011 02:49 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon The U.S. is moving closer and closer to defaulting on our debt... maybe we should ask Citibank, Bank of America and GM to bail us out...
←Rate | 07-22-2011 23:33 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing more interesting than the royal wedding is... Ooh look, the dog is chasing his tail again!
←Rate | 04-28-2011 21:20 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon if it has tits or tires, its gonna cause guys problems.
←Rate | 10-05-2010 07:26 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon I believe the children are our future... and after my last trip to Wal-Mart... I believe our future looks bleak...
←Rate | 02-11-2011 12:03 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon ❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ Shark Week
←Rate | 08-02-2011 00:31 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know who was hurt the most in this whole ordeal by name association alone... the residents of Sandusky, Ohio... And the American workers at Callahan Auto... they make the best parts money can buy...
←Rate | 06-23-2012 11:25 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I give up something for Lent... my friends encourage me to break it... When I give up alcohol, they buy me drinks... when I give up sweets, they bring me candy... so this year I am giving up sleeping with women...
←Rate | 02-16-2013 22:59 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon now that the Chilean miners are out... any chance we can put the Jersey Shore cast in?
←Rate | 10-14-2010 11:16 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon I met a cute girl in the tampon aisle today... so I asked if she'd be free to go out for dinner in 5-7 days...
←Rate | 08-27-2012 03:57 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon There would be no limits to what a man could achieve... if he were to apply the same level of focus, persistence and dedication to his daily life... that he does when drunk and trying to convince a hot lesbian to sleep with him...
←Rate | 08-28-2012 20:52 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well... it finally happened. I got a notice that I am being sued by Metallica for $1.3M not paying for their music... I never pirated their music... but I never bought an album either, so I guess that's the complaint.
←Rate | 11-16-2010 20:26 by JaxWylde Comments (4)  


   messageicon I wonder if the first guy who used the pickup line “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you and I together” is the same guy who invented the qwerty keyboard...
←Rate | 02-26-2011 21:42 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon "i don't really like blow ups... they just don't do it for me." -overheard in the Christmas inflatables section of Target
←Rate | 12-07-2011 15:35 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanted to watch the Biggest Loser last night... I turned on the TV, and there he was...
←Rate | 01-26-2011 03:06 by JaxWylde Comments (2)  


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