Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he's being told where to deliver the ransom money.

   Americans treat the Constitution the same way they treat the Bible: Despite never having read or understood it, they are quite certain they know both.

   Can you imagine how terrifying it would be to actually NOT know the difference between your ass from a hole in the ground?

   My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed thinking.. "Wow, I can teleport".

   If Mac users care more about the environment than Windows users... Why do Macs have a trash can, and Windows have a recycling bin ?

   blackpeoplemeet.com really ppl i'm a black dude & I know I was never a slave and there is not any slave drivers left so what are we really doing here

   and maybe learn to use the right kind of bale also!

   .. lost my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about this.

   Confucius Say...Women who wear Wonderbra make mountains out of molehills.

   likes Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Rebecca.

   I would like to wish a very Merry Christmas to all of my Polish friends..

   Rosetta Stoned: When you get so high you think you can speak a different language

   Behind every fat girl there is a beautiful woman.....No seriously, you're in the way.

   They praise and call Brice brave for changing into a woman. They hail it as an achievement. This world has really gone to the dogs. I remember a time when bravery was risking your life fighting against the Nazi. Achievement was landing on the moon.

   Well it's July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting the Christmas stuff out any day now.

   That moment when you lose your black friend in the dark.

   I'm so proud of my African pen pal friend. He tells me he hasn't had a drink in weeks. I'm so glad, he's staying sober.

   I was waiting for a call last night so I put my phone under my pillow, woke up this morning - phone was gone and $1 was in its place...damn tooth fairy....

   reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol

   ...When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.