Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think less people would tempted to use an "Out of Order" Toilet... if the sign actually read... "Ain't Takin' NO Sh*t"!

   For the last f*cking time, this is the first time I'm seeing this movie and we started watching it at the exact same moment. I don't know the answer to your question.

   If there was ever a Titanic themed party and you couldn't figure out what to go as, you could always go as an iceberg and crash the party.

   Its all fun and games till your both naked and someone is getting their face nawed on.

   I said to a fat girl today, "You're a big girl!" She replied, "Tell me something I don't know." I said, "Salad tastes good."

   If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn't a balloon.

   Who's that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again!!

   If you hate America leave & dont post here anymore for already.

   eating all the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms cereal...

   When Iran and Syria are able to compromise more then Republicans, you know our country has a problem.

   RELIGION: because reading one book is a lot easier than a whole bunch of hard ones.

   To all the Moms: "Happy Mothers Day"! And to all the Dads: "Happy Sunday.. Mother Fu€Kers"!!

   Worshiping Royalty is the opposite of what America was founded on.

   "What's that!! An earthquake?" "YES!! RUN!!!" "OMG, WAIT" *runs to the computer and writes on Facebook* EARTHQUAAAAAAAKE!!!

   What's the difference between light and hard? You can sleep with a light on.

   you know....I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader"....but I can buy booze!....so Booyah B!itches!!

   girlscouts suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I'm not any thinner

   I locked my coat hanger in the car...it's a good thing I carry a spare set of keys

   When I see insane people on the street talking to themselves I want to tell them about Twitter.

   Fun Fact: If you wear a shirt and tie into WalMart, people will ask for your autograph because they think you're the President.