Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Feelin tired today,,, I was up All night,,, See,I got into this book,, and couldn't put it down,,, Yeah,, Ended up goin thru ALL my crayons... 
Some of you ladies need to take it easy on the make up. You look like you were the first person to pass out at an Avon party...
Sometimes when i'm following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel. don't be hatin!
please let me blow it before you stick it in. (classic nintendo cartridge)
If you can throw a brick, liquor stores are open 24 hours.
I'm trying to write a poem for my girlfriend, does anyone know what rhymes with threesome?
What time does facebook close tonight?
Let's say you were to date someone for a few months and then they told you that they were actually " married". Is that considered good news or bad news?
It's a shame that all the people who know how to run the country are all busy driving taxi's and cutting hair!
Just met the girl of my dreams and then I woke up
If I were a pilot I would scream "WE'RE GOING DOWN" every time I landed the plane.
You had me at an extra hour of sleep.
Do you ever look at girls' pictures on facebook and feel them up with your cursor??? --uhhh, either do i!
If you have to have a job as host of are you smarter than a fifth grader. Then you just might be a terrible comedian.
The latest breakthrough in single-ply toilet paper ? My index finger.
If two past lovers remain friends, it`s either someone is still in love, or someone is still hoping for a second chance.
What do tornadoes and divorce in the south have in common? .. Either way, someone's losing a trailer.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Never trust a Democrat, they have a twisted view of the world.
Girl on Facebook statues : I want a guy that actually give a s**t about me. Guy on comment : I thought about you while I was taking s**t .. does that count ? 