Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It took 10 years, but you finally got yours!

   : If Blind people wear Dark Glasses...why don't Deaf people wear Earmuffs?

   suddenly has an urge to go for a balloon ride over Colorado.

   When people start a sentence with "Do you know what your problem is..." I interrupt and start telling them all my problems. They never expect that.

   Brandi from 'Storage Wars' has humongous jugs

   Democrats don’t like to address mental illness after a mass shooting because they don’t want to alienate their base.

   Had imaginary friends as a kid, I mean they were real kids that lived on my street, I would just imagine them to be my friends :)

   Happy easter and have a fantastic1982 from all at the alzheimers society ! See you next week at the bonfire and dont forget your swimsuit! X.

   Remember: When strangers offer you drugs, take them, because drugs are expensive!!

   Whats with people who reach facebook maximum friends limit and have to open another account to accommodate more new friends? Are you really that popular or you are just a slut?

   When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to. When a guy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

   People should stop arguing about ps3 and. Xbox. We all know the best system is was and always will be the nintendo 64!

   Girl's idea of Valentine's Day. (っ˘з(˘.˘ )♥ Guy's idea of Valentine's Day ( • )( •ԅ(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

   look people It's spelled B-E-F-O-R-E, not B4... we speak English, not bingo

   thinks the newest version of the game "Monopoly" should come with a government bail-out option....

   The number of "followers" you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.

   BFD, Paula Deen once said a racial slur. I doubt there's a person in America who hasn't said at least one!!

   There is absolutely nothing funnier than yelling "HE'S STEALING MY BABY!" at a dad having a hard time with his kid in public.

   thinking about everyone who came into my life and made it better... thanks! :)

   Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?