Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1318 of 6446

I think maybe the key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.
←Rate |
10-09-2012 08:38 by SEAN
Comments (0)

If you can wipe it off with a wet towel, it's not beauty.

I can tell how uncomfortable a person is just by hugging them for 18 minutes

My outgoing message: Hi,, I'm gonna be honest, I screen people I don't want to talk to,,, You can leave a message, but if you heard this,,,,,It's you
←Rate |
10-21-2012 08:56 by snotty
Comments (0)

I love driving behind old people. You can get so much done: eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, read a book... write a book, etc.

Alec Baldwin's narration voice is a symphony of creepy. He makes a floating glacier sound like a pedophile drifting into a playground.

There's a little "I'm jealous" in every "whatever."
←Rate |
04-10-2012 14:02
Comments (0)

Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
←Rate |
04-22-2012 06:30 by Surhater
Comments (0)

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change...
←Rate |
04-23-2012 01:51 by predasa
Comments (0)

I want to meet the teenage versions of my parents.
←Rate |
04-29-2012 22:34 by BEGO
Comments (0)

Dear Websites that automatically play loud videos, thanks for trying to get me fired!
←Rate |
05-01-2012 21:42 by BEGO
Comments (0)

In order to raise my performance at work I've decided to lower the companies standards.
←Rate |
02-10-2012 13:49
Comments (0)

If Taco Bell really did "Think outside the bun," they would add margaritas to their menus, and replace hot sauce packets with Pepto Bismol.

My Valentine is just like my pinkie toe; eventually I'm gonna bang it on all the furniture in this house...
←Rate |
02-14-2012 11:56 by srpdrzman
Comments (0)

Some of these girls posting "I'm ugly", "fml", "hmu" should just change their status to, “demands attention”. #GEToverYOURSELF
←Rate |
03-01-2012 10:06 by Mr. Ryan
Comments (0)

Want to know who your friends are?...Tell everybody the truth and see who still hangs arounds you afterwards.
←Rate |
06-04-2012 12:37 by Danmanz
Comments (0)

Some folks will spend the weekend having fun and enjoying themselves. We call these people "Single".

I'm Not Arguing. I'm Simply Explaining Why I'm Right.-Women
←Rate |
06-20-2012 11:00
Comments (0)

Not entirely sure what a "propriate" is, but apparently I'm in it.
←Rate |
07-09-2012 10:01 by fadolo
Comments (0)

not been to his Farmville in so long I just found out it was paved and turned into a parking lot...
←Rate |
01-02-2012 14:32
Comments (0)