Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I think maybe the key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.
←Rate | 10-09-2012 08:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can wipe it off with a wet towel, it's not beauty.
←Rate | 10-11-2012 02:36 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can tell how uncomfortable a person is just by hugging them for 18 minutes
←Rate | 10-19-2012 15:48 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon My outgoing message: Hi,, I'm gonna be honest, I screen people I don't want to talk to,,, You can leave a message, but if you heard this,,,,,It's you
←Rate | 10-21-2012 08:56 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love driving behind old people. You can get so much done: eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, read a book... write a book, etc.
←Rate | 03-17-2012 12:36 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alec Baldwin's narration voice is a symphony of creepy. He makes a floating glacier sound like a pedophile drifting into a playground.
←Rate | 03-20-2012 09:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a little "I'm jealous" in every "whatever."
←Rate | 04-10-2012 14:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Invite me to your wedding . Invite me to go have fun , but please stop inviting me to your farm .
←Rate | 04-22-2012 06:30 by Surhater Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change...
←Rate | 04-23-2012 01:51 by predasa Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to meet the teenage versions of my parents.
←Rate | 04-29-2012 22:34 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Websites that automatically play loud videos, thanks for trying to get me fired!
←Rate | 05-01-2012 21:42 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon In order to raise my performance at work I've decided to lower the companies standards.
←Rate | 02-10-2012 13:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Taco Bell really did "Think outside the bun," they would add margaritas to their menus, and replace hot sauce packets with Pepto Bismol.
←Rate | 02-12-2012 10:59 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon My Valentine is just like my pinkie toe; eventually I'm gonna bang it on all the furniture in this house...
←Rate | 02-14-2012 11:56 by srpdrzman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of these girls posting "I'm ugly", "fml", "hmu" should just change their status to, “demands attention”. #GEToverYOURSELF
←Rate | 03-01-2012 10:06 by Mr. Ryan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Want to know who your friends are?...Tell everybody the truth and see who still hangs arounds you afterwards.
←Rate | 06-04-2012 12:37 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some folks will spend the weekend having fun and enjoying themselves. We call these people "Single".
←Rate | 06-16-2012 12:14 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm Not Arguing. I'm Simply Explaining Why I'm Right.-Women
←Rate | 06-20-2012 11:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not entirely sure what a "propriate" is, but apparently I'm in it.
←Rate | 07-09-2012 10:01 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon not been to his Farmville in so long I just found out it was paved and turned into a parking lot...
←Rate | 01-02-2012 14:32 Comments (0)  




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