life Funny Status Messages

   Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …

   Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Of course, now your life will be shorter than it was yesterday. Way to waste yesterday, MORON!

   sometimes my life feels like a 40 year long episode of Punk'd...

   Kind of wish I didn't choose the thug life, everyone's really mean.

   Parenting: negotiating with terrorists every single minute of every single day for the rest of your miserable life.

   Does it count as saving someone's life if you just refrain from killing them?

   Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife's can shorten it.

   People ask me if I live my life on the edge. Well, let's just say I'm the kind of guy who eats apples without washing them first.

   I've been making the same mistakes in life for so long, I should just call them traditions!

   Hey smoke detectors, feel free to use that last bit of battery life to continue monitoring fires instead of getting all beepy.

   Yeah, its nice you wanna tell me about yourself, your life is an open book. But how about we skip to the chapter where we hook up.

   I have many problems in my life, but my lips doesnt know them.. they always smile

   When I’m about to die and my life flashes before my eyes I’m worried that a lot of it will just be Facebook and TV.

   I don't care if you think I'm crazy. Life is too short to be normal!

   You're definitely doing something wrong if you have had more eX's than you have had O's in your life.

   If I had known I would run into this many a-holes in my life, I would have capitalized on it and specialized in proctology!

   If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.

   This Crazy lady with Mad Road rage was yelling out her window at me this morning before work.... "I'm gonna make your life a living hell" ...I yelled back, "Thanks but I'm already married."

   That feel good feeling when someone walks into your life and you know there going to make an impact on your life :)

   Go to your profile, look to the right. Now annoy those 8 friends by tagging them in a stupid post about the zombie apoclyspe, or bank robbery, and let them know you have no life.