santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   just got my Xmas wishlist back from Santa with a little note attached... It said "LMAO! HELL NO!!!!

   -- My girlfriend pulled up a chair earlier and said..... "We need to talk about our future."..... I said, "Yeah, it's gonna be f***ing mental - we'll have flying cars, shiny silver suits, holidays on the moon!"...Needless to say - I'm now f***ing single !

   Santa is really going to love the cookies he gets from Colorado and Washington this year..

   When you're parents accuse you of lying to them, just look them in the eye and say; SANTA CLAUSE! EASTER BUNNY! TOOTH FAIRY!"

   He knows when you are sleeping He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good… Sounds like Santa's got a Facebook.

   *<]:{ > Dear Santa, This year all I want for Christmas is thick hair and a thin body and please don't get it backwards like you did last year [:p

   A cute thing I tell my kids when we see a dead deer on the side of the road is, "Looks like Santa lost his temper again."

   when I was little, I drugged the milk to catch Santa. Next morning I found my dad passed out on the stairs. Well played Santa..

   I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.

   Dear Santa: How much for your list with all the naughty girls on it?

   I think it would really be nice if we all went over to MySpace to wish Tom a merry Christmas... poor guy... :-(

   Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.

   The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for half an hour...

   Birthdays then- 'Wow! Look at all these presents!' ... Birthdays now- 'Wow! Look at all these notifications!'

   I need to do laundry so bad I'm actually wearing Christmas stockings

   People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.

   trying to think of a good way to show off to everyone the superman underwear I got for Christmas.

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road I'm going to leave and come back dressed as Santa Clause with a sign that says, "Help, need ride."

   All I want for Christmas, is to keep the things I've got.

   gonna laugh 2 years from now when all of those people who thought the world was gonna end on Dec. 22, 2012 realize that they are still gonna have to go out and buy Christmas presents.....