Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ultimate D**k move would be Bill Gates buying all the possible mega million combos. Theres only 176 million of them and he'd double his money unless there were other winners.

   Scientists in Southampton claim to have created a wonder drug for period pain........... Personally, I use earplugs.

   nothing says happy Easter Jesus like going to a Wal Mart

   I want an app. that tells me if my post sucked,, or my timing did.

   Miley Cyrus' real name is Destiny??? Know we know why she was so good on that pole at the Kids Choice Awards a couple years ago...

   I just saw a commercial with Joan Rivers. Could her real face have been anywhere near as bad as that clown mask she had welded to the front of her head?

   I know I am not the only one who stares at the stuff on the tissue after you blow your nose.

   the weighing scales are crying "b*tch please! I ain't going to lie and go lower"

   How do male civil unions not end with the phrase "I dude"?

   I am funny and I know it.

   Things you despised in your boyfriend or girlfriend while you are dating get magnified 10 times when you get married.

   It's always funny when a basic chick tries to pass herself off as a model.

   No man should own a pair of the ankle socks with the cotton back on the back of them

   Just because I send you to voicemail doesn't mean that I want you to leave me one.

   i tell ya... Its been one hell of a start for 2012...

   Google the terms SOPA an Chris Dodd and you will discover the true source of SOPA and a far over-reaching government..

   The only reason he had a child is so that he can meet babysitters

   going to be the one stuck handing out candy again which is a horrible idea.. Me and people never ends up going well.

   I think it's funny when someone updates their status with a depressing quote or about something bad that happened, and then people “like” it. The “like” button has become used more than a gas station bathroom.

   I'm having a Deja vu of Christmas posts