life Funny Status Messages

   Okay, I've had it with real life, give me my fairy godmother, my prince, and my happily ever after endings.

   Beware of people who tell you to "get a life". They may want the one you already have.

   Life is ironic. We spend so much money on expensive clothes, but the best moments in life are spent without clothes..

   Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.

   Life is like a pen!s: simple, relaxed and hanging freely. It's women who make it hard.

   Life may not always give us chances, but it always gives us choices.

   Someday I hope to solve one of the great mysteries of life, like where do socks go when you put them into the dryer?

   Love is like your shadow...the more steps you make towards it the further it moves away from you...but yet it follows you around your whole life.

   CONSEQUENCES OF TODAY'S MODERN LIFE STYLES: The wife rushed into house screaming to her husband: Darling, Come quick! Your kids and my kids are beating our kids!

   thinking maybe Doritos can bring back my love life like it did for Grandpa...

   Life is better after having sex. Or when you know you're about to have sex. Or when you know someone is dying to have sex with you.

   I refuse to engage in any sort of drama on Facebook. I'm here to escape that in real life.

   My new life goal is to do something worthy of being on a commemorative plate while holding a commemorative plate.

   Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

   Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.

   There are easier things in life than finding a good man... like nailing Jell-O to a tree, for instance.

   If a little kid gives you a high 5 and you don't pretend like they broke your hand, you're doing life wrong.

   Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.

   Nothing says "I'm a heartless,souless,low life,bottom feeding,inbred,motherf*cking scuz bag" like holding up a protest sign at a funeral.

   Wishes life was like a Nintendo game, if you had a problem you just take it out and blow on it. And everything would be fine