life Funny Status Messages

   You know that scene in 8 Mile where Eminem disses himself so the other guy has nothing to rap about? That's basically my only plan in life.

   Life is uncertain which is why every morning, before I leave for work, I hug my kids and whisper "avenge me.."

   Life and beer are very similar........chill for best results.

   just wants to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes CAN change your life!!

   My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

   A life vest - protects you from drowning. A bullet proof vest - protects from bullets. A sweater vest - protects you from dating.

   Are there any times in your life you wish you could just forget? Ummmm, like for instance, when that guy sucked the cheese off that other guy's finger in the Doritos commercial? I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

   There are many paths On the journey through life, I think I might have chose the psychopath....

   God puts people in my life for a reason... & removes them from my life for a better reason.

   thinks: The greatest pleasure in life is "not" doing what people say you can do.I call it the middle finger logic.

   When I was little, I used to sing in the shower. Now, I make life decisions in there

   Read it slow: LIFEISNOWHERE. What did you read? LIFE IS NO WHERE or LIFE IS NOW HERE? Life is as you read it.

   Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn't going according to plan...

   When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail.

   So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I'm on Facebook, I don't have money or a life.

   Quit blaming your parents for everything wrong in your life... Be grateful they saw you through your teeenage years and didn't kill you

   Moving sucks! Why hasn't anyone invented Copy and Paste for real life?

   life is sooooooo much funnier when you have a dirty mind

   When writing the story of your life... Don't let anyone hold the pen!!!

   Your life is none of my business, but if it was, I would sell it.