Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4670 of 6446

Today 9/6 marks the end of my 7 years of bad luck for breaking a mirror. just like this one here......oops, Oh crap, not again.
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09-06-2012 13:31
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I remember waking up after my first wet dream....I thought a ghost had came in and gave me a handjob.
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09-07-2012 17:14 by bfinest
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I didn't lose my faith, I found reality.
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10-10-2012 04:17
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Someone needs to remind men in their 40s that tucking the T-shirt into their jeans does not make them look any younger.
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10-13-2012 06:16
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I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
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04-18-2013 01:56 by Czovczov
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Happy Mothers Day!..Thank You Dad for not Pulling Out!
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05-12-2013 21:04
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Remember to wish your dad a happy Father's Day, as well as thanking him for not wiping you up in a tissue.

late at night, when everyone is sleeping, I fill up the bath tub with marinara sauce and pretend that I am a meatball.
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12-02-2012 01:07
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I had to take a lie detector test at a job interview once. No I didn't.
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08-14-2012 05:30 by Huck
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Never underestimate a Cat 1 Hurricane: I've never seen a situation involving one cat, water & a blow dryer end well..
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08-28-2012 14:57 by sully
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It's easy to call it TrumpDontCare - so let's go with it.
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03-24-2017 05:21
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Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don't think soooo.
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12-22-2017 07:14
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If you "have to meet with the NRA to discuss whether people on the terrorist watch list should be able to buy guns", then that's a case of the tail wagging the dog and you are showing you are owned by the gun lobby.
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06-16-2016 08:24
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I imagine a two year old having a temper tantrum as being the next statue erected honoring all those brave men and women who refuse to wear a mask.
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07-17-2020 12:01
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Behind every beautiful girl is the ugly relationship that made her scared to love again
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09-12-2015 23:18 by BEGO
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Are you single? No I am Album.
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11-01-2015 00:06
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There is no such thing as 'American English'. There is English and there are mistakes.
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11-12-2015 01:08
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First Paul Walker now Nelson Mandela please let the third person be Lil Wayne
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12-05-2013 18:40
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I broke up with my cross eyed boyfriend he was seeing 2 people at once
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12-27-2013 22:19
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Everyone's all, 'OMG! Snow!', and I'm just over here like, 'Hey, tonight Obama is going to officially announce that he's going to overtly rule by decree.'
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01-28-2014 18:48
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