Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Today 9/6 marks the end of my 7 years of bad luck for breaking a mirror. just like this one here......oops, Oh crap, not again.
←Rate | 09-06-2012 13:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember waking up after my first wet dream....I thought a ghost had came in and gave me a handjob.
←Rate | 09-07-2012 17:14 by bfinest Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't lose my faith, I found reality.
←Rate | 10-10-2012 04:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone needs to remind men in their 40s that tucking the T-shirt into their jeans does not make them look any younger.
←Rate | 10-13-2012 06:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
←Rate | 04-18-2013 01:56 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Mothers Day!..Thank You Dad for not Pulling Out!
←Rate | 05-12-2013 21:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember to wish your dad a happy Father's Day, as well as thanking him for not wiping you up in a tissue.
←Rate | 06-16-2013 13:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon late at night, when everyone is sleeping, I fill up the bath tub with marinara sauce and pretend that I am a meatball.
←Rate | 12-02-2012 01:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I had to take a lie detector test at a job interview once. No I didn't.
←Rate | 08-14-2012 05:30 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never underestimate a Cat 1 Hurricane: I've never seen a situation involving one cat, water & a blow dryer end well..
←Rate | 08-28-2012 14:57 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's easy to call it TrumpDontCare - so let's go with it.
←Rate | 03-24-2017 05:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don't think soooo.
←Rate | 12-22-2017 07:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you "have to meet with the NRA to discuss whether people on the terrorist watch list should be able to buy guns", then that's a case of the tail wagging the dog and you are showing you are owned by the gun lobby.
←Rate | 06-16-2016 08:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I imagine a two year old having a temper tantrum as being the next statue erected honoring all those brave men and women who refuse to wear a mask.
←Rate | 07-17-2020 12:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every beautiful girl is the ugly relationship that made her scared to love again
←Rate | 09-12-2015 23:18 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you single? No I am Album.
←Rate | 11-01-2015 00:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is no such thing as 'American English'. There is English and there are mistakes.
←Rate | 11-12-2015 01:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon First Paul Walker now Nelson Mandela please let the third person be Lil Wayne
←Rate | 12-05-2013 18:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I broke up with my cross eyed boyfriend he was seeing 2 people at once
←Rate | 12-27-2013 22:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone's all, 'OMG! Snow!', and I'm just over here like, 'Hey, tonight Obama is going to officially announce that he's going to overtly rule by decree.'
←Rate | 01-28-2014 18:48 Comments (0)  




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