Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   doesnt get it...Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

   The sincerest form of flattery is a steamroller

   "Canadians are so polite" - people who have obviously never been to Canada

   Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long for fat people.

   This girl I know is having a baby shower at McDonallds hahahahah this isn't a joke....I wish it was but it's not

   Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate rhyming. PENlS.

   Marijuana: The reason man discovered fire

   "Sometimes you just need a car ride to clear your head." — John. F. Kennedy

   PRO TIP: You Can't be under FBI investigation if there's no FBI Director.

   Due to social correctness, BIack Sabbath will now be called, "A Dark Shade Of The Day Of Rest."

   M.A.G.A: My Attorney Got Arrested

   Whats the similarity between Men and Rats? They all run around looking for Holes

   hates the KKK as much as anyone... but it is kinda neat that they introduced "hoodies" to American fashion.

   Justin Bieber the only daughter that Mr. & Mrs. Bieber have?

   went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

   Definition of "irony" getting pregnant on a pull-out couch

   I'm going to name my first two children George and Trayvon and make them share a bag a Skittles. Its my little way of fighting racism.

   efore kids I only had to take the trash out once a week, now I forget it once and A&E is kicking in my door trying to film an episode of Hoarders

   1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 804 islands, 7 seas, 7 billion people, and you're still single? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAGAHA, me too.!!!!!!!!!

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