Funny Status Messages

   President Obama said 1992's dream team was better than this year's Olympic basketball team. Which is interesting because a lot of people think 1992's president is better than this year's president

   Monopoly has come out with a new version of its board game to commemorate President Obama.....all the properties have half their value and the money has been replaced with foodstamps

   so great Tony the tigers jealous

   wondering "Do I think I am Paranoid?"

   What I just did in that bathroom was so tragic that when I walked out, a Native American turned his head as a tear rolled down his cheek.

   If your having facial spasms I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems but a twitch aint one.

   with your cousin.... in your bed...using your video camera

   I hate when cashiers ask you if that's everything. Oh no, I'd also like a hand job

   I don't always eat breakfast, but when I do, it's dos eggys.

   Sometimes I'll jerk off on a dozen eggs just to give my sperm a false sense of hope.

   I just found out the big difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.

   Had she been a better entrepreneur, Sally would have sold blow jobs by the seashore.

   Hey! Stop attacking Donald Trump. She is a nice chubby older Polish woman and she deserves some respect.

   My coffee is so black it just rapped the lyrics of a Snoop Dogg song.

   *Current state of the NFL*....After further review, the runner did not touch second base. Touchdown Lakers..

   Ever wonder about those people who spend £1.50 on those little bottles of Evian water?.. Try spelling Evian backwards.

   Please pray 4 me. Had a checkup & I tested positive 4 being The S#it! I'm allergic 2 all haters. Side effects may cause me 2 slap a bit**!!

   2 car pile up on the Mexican border, thousands die

   Baby, are you Jealous? "No..." "Babe, you Jealous?" "NO!" "Baby, can I get a kiss?" "GO AND GET A KISS FROM THE H$E THAT LIKED YOUR STATUS!"

   HIGH SCHOOL made everyone either cool , uncool , bisexual , real , fake , pregnant , dropouts , alcoholics , pot heads or somewhere in jail.