life Funny Status Messages

   "I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country." ~ Nathan Hale

   People who gossip need to get their own life, those who listen and believe it need to get a life.

   Admit it, once in your life, you've tried to guess someone's password but failed.

   hates when people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

   Just once in my life I'd like to see a liars pants actually catch on damn fire...

   In the movie of life, I'd probably be credited as "Bar Guy #3".

   the only reason why your girlfriend likes your d!ck is because her mom told her to enjoy the little things in life.

   Live your life in such a way that the Westboro Baptist Church will want to picket your funeral.

   no more Farmville, Cafeworld or Sorority Life! I will cage your animals, spray your crops, burn your cafe and pimp your sorority girl!!!

   Getting older means I no longer have the energy to do many of the things I enjoy in life, for example being awake.

   The best revenge is to show them that your life is getting better after they're gone

   One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you cant say out loud.

   "Someone's been eating my porridge!", said Father bear. Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.

   I would say at least 3% of my life has been spent talking to dogs that are in other people's cars.

   Life is too short to remove the USB safely.

   I overheard an old dude at the bar tell the bartender not to put ice in his drink because 'you'll bruise the scotch' Changed my life.

   ATTENTION : All position for stupid people in my life ,have been filled ,no more applicants need apply. Thank You !

   My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.

   The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up... lol!

   The Camouflage Snuggie: the ideal gift for the military afficionado in your life who aspires to blend in with a couch.