life Funny Status Messages

   Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realise why it never worked out with anyone else.

   has no doubt that there's a place in every woman's life for a red thong, but that place is not five inches above the waistline of her jeans. Ever.

   As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass

   Seems Taylor Swift is dating a Kennedy. Let's hope she owns a life jacket. :-/

   When I first saw you from across the room, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

   I got life alert just in case I ever get a life.

   STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life

   It's a weird feeling when you can't remember if something happened in a dream or in real life.

   Just watched a guy walk down the street eating a bowl of cereal. That guy has life figured out.

   You are so selfish! You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!"

   Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn't going according to plan....

   so far I've handed out 23 caramel covered onions on a stick to trick or treaters... life is fun

   WARNING: Life portrayed on Facebook maybe more screwed up than it appears.

   Sometimes people suck the life out of me like there's a prize at the bottom.

   I have been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions

   I believe my entire life is one complicated drinking game...

   Dave needs to get more sheep in Farmville! ... Dave needs to get 6 more points to advance in Mafia Wars! ... Dave needs to get a f-kin life!

   Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

   If I had a year to live, I would spend it with my ex... because it would be the longest year of my life.

   Lord Almighty, Adele...REALLY ?,, Just burn his house down & get on with your life already.