Funny Status Messages

   has status electricity...if you get too close there maybe status friction and you'll get status shock.

   if you want me to go running with you, I'm going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.

   Men - Alcohol impairs your ability to make good decisions. We don't want you to lose that ability... we want her to.

   When I say "I understand", it doesn't mean I agree, it doesn't mean I understand, it doesn't even mean I'm listening.

   there a logical reason why Chelsea Clinton looks more like Janet Reno than Bill Clinton?

   Hey...so, how do you like these 4 foot high walls here in the Mens room?...See that Mariner game last night? Nice belt...Alligator? You have a piece of chive in your teeth...umm, ok, well..whatcha say we just do the wipe thing at the same time and split?

   If Goth kids are supposed to be "non-conformist," then why do they all look alike?

   Cool like the other side of the pillow.

   Woke up this morning on a hotel room floor laying on a make-shift bed I made entirely out of a tuxedo and towels. Still not quite sure where my pants are. God I love weddings.

   Does Facebook ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I don't care who changed their profile picture?

   Just because you don't approve of the way I live my life, it does not make me wrong, it only makes you judgemental.

   KY should just go ahead and make lip gloss already.

   Rule of thumb when hitting on co-workers... if you're cute, it's flirting. If you're not... it's sexual harrassment.

   working up one hell of a sweat by wearing my "Snuggie" while using "Shakeweights", thank God for "Shamwow" to mop up this mess.

   I hate those ambulances that drive really slow with with their sirens on. There's one behind me now. So annoying.

   I signed into Facebook so I could find out where all my friends will be this weekend. I now have a list of places to avoid. Strategery, folks.

   If I poked as much in college as I do on fb, it would have taken me 8 yrs to get an Associates Degree!

   If love is blind, and hate is deaf, you would think stupid would be mute and yet she just keeps on talking...

   focus on living, dying is the easy part

   correction: says confidence is the way to a woman's heart, or atleast into her pants