santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   santa has to be the greatest criminal ever...a million cases of breaking & entering...the police everywhere know where he lives but he knows how to buy everyone of them off with gifts

   There has been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries.

   Thank god I have Facebook to know that Christmas Eve is tomorrow and that people are going Christmas shopping and that Christmas is Sunday.

   It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

   I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.

   Life would be much easier if Christmas decorations grew on trees.

   I'm out of Christmas wrapping paper? So I've simply converted birthday wrapping paper by adding "Jesus" after "Happy Birthday" in biro.

   A boy writes to Santa asking for a brother and receives a reply back from Santa send me your mother

   Santa has been cleared to enter US airspace. But he will be subject to strip searches by TSA. Since elderly people rarely file lawsuits.

   Just bought an artificial Christmas tree and the clerk asks me, will you be putting this up yourself? NO YOU SICK BASTARD!! I'm putting it up in my living room!

   Remember Christmas is a time for giving, so give generously, I accept credit cards, checks and cash.

   The first present I opened this Christmas was a pen knife. I was so excited, I used it to cut open all my other presents. Shame about the puppy.

   i have 2 sisters,one 14 and the other 6. the 14 year old was arguing with the 6 year old and said" SANTA ISN'T REAL!" without blinking,the 6 year old said"neither is edward cullen!" I don't wanna be mean so i'll say this,one ran away crying.

   Christmas is not about what your home looks like, it's about love and sharing.

   What's the best age to abandon your children around the holidays so they can grow up to write decent blues music?

   I just cleaned out the fireplace so that "Santa won't get dirty". I did it for my son because I love him, even though he's delusional.

   I went to the garage today to unpack Christmas decorations. I found a present from last year that I had forgotten to give the kids. I was so disappointed! They would really have loved that kitten.

   Finished Christmas shopping and gift wrapping over four months ago. The puppy doesn't make as much noise as it used to.

   Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!

   Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!