santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   A boy writes to Santa asking for a brother and receives a reply back from Santa send me your mother

   Santa has been cleared to enter US airspace. But he will be subject to strip searches by TSA. Since elderly people rarely file lawsuits.

   Just bought an artificial Christmas tree and the clerk asks me, will you be putting this up yourself? NO YOU SICK BASTARD!! I'm putting it up in my living room!

   Remember Christmas is a time for giving, so give generously, I accept credit cards, checks and cash.

   The first present I opened this Christmas was a pen knife. I was so excited, I used it to cut open all my other presents. Shame about the puppy.

   i have 2 sisters,one 14 and the other 6. the 14 year old was arguing with the 6 year old and said" SANTA ISN'T REAL!" without blinking,the 6 year old said"neither is edward cullen!" I don't wanna be mean so i'll say this,one ran away crying.

   Christmas is not about what your home looks like, it's about love and sharing.

   What's the best age to abandon your children around the holidays so they can grow up to write decent blues music?

   I just cleaned out the fireplace so that "Santa won't get dirty". I did it for my son because I love him, even though he's delusional.

   I went to the garage today to unpack Christmas decorations. I found a present from last year that I had forgotten to give the kids. I was so disappointed! They would really have loved that kitten.

   Finished Christmas shopping and gift wrapping over four months ago. The puppy doesn't make as much noise as it used to.

   Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!

   Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!

   Dear Santa, Please bring world peace, a cure to cancer, fix the financial crisis............ and please find, and land your sleigh on Casey Anthony's head. That's all...

   Ladies, you're running out of time to hump your way to some excellent Christmas presents from that guy you're sort of seeing right now.

   I bet the old guys that apply for the mall Santa job positions are undercover pedophiles.

   it okay to fake my own death just so I don't have to spend Christmas with my family?

   ♫♪♫....I'm beginning to think I'm blocked for Christmas...♫♪♫

   The worst part about getting a monogrammed sweater for Christmas is having to find someone with your initials to regift the thing to

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.