life Funny Status Messages

   I have better things to waste my life on then to put up with you, like updating this status!

   Life is a beach, I'm just playin' in the sand...

   In life, we have 2 choices: we could spend our time crying for what's gone or instead we could smile for what's to come. That's for us to decide. Now, 1 thing is for sure. Life still goes on, no matter what. It won't wait for us. Join it or be left behind

   Have you ever looked at someone and said to yourself, "Life would be so much better if their mom had just swallowed"?

   To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

   You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

   Life can be hard. Life can be fun. Life can be kind and life can be mean. Have the right attitude and life can be whatever you want it to be! Smile :)

   If you don't have a love in your life, don't worry. If you keep living a life with no regrets, either your love will come or someone will regret living their life without you.

   "Life is NOT like a box of chocolates, it's more like jar of jalapenos- what you do TODAY can burn your ass TOMORROW!

   New Life goal, make it to the bottom of my chapstick before  I lose it.

   Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.

   I have life moments when all I can do is stop and say "Seriously?"

   Sometimes I think life would be more fun with a "thumbs down" option for people like I have on Pandora for songs

   That's the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good life.

   Dear Life, When I asked if things could get worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

   Boy: Hey babe wanna come over later and watch me play COD? Girl: Nah I have this thing.. Boy: What thing? Girl: A life. Boy:.....

   "Someone's been eating my porridge!", said Father bear. Mother bear sighed and poured him another bowl. Life was tough and draining for her, now that her husband was suffering from Alzheimer's.

   My uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer last month, but all my Facebook friends changed their status' for an hour and now he's going to live a long and fruitful life.

   : the only A+ I've gotten in life is my blood type

   You can always tell which friends have no life, you can never get a poke up on them.