Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal.

   Why does everyone insist on asking, "You ok?" after you hurt yourself? No I'm not f*cking OK. Can you not sense my agony?

   wrote a letter to my love, and on my way I caught him, kicked him in his special place, and shoved it in his pocket! goodbye cheater

   I think we all have that look perfected that says, "I am paying attention and appear interested in what you are saying", when my brain is really thinking about stuff like pancakes, tv shows, and leaving work early.

   Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?

   Curiosity leads to education; education to knowledge; knowledge to understanding; understanding to tolerance; tolerance to peace.

   Movie characters are always so badass. If they wake up mysteriously in a hospital alone and beaten up, they just rip the IV right out their arm and slip past the nurses. I would at least want to see my chart first, and maybe get some juice.

   had to tell a friend I needed to reschedule today's activities due to FB Season starting...she texted me back.." What the hell is Facebook Season"...lol happy Sunday..smile

   Google Uranus

   Friends touching each other inappropriately makes me a sad panda

   Ever had something dawn on you at dusk?

   A hangover will occupy a head that wasn't used the night before.

   a jukebox hero with stars in his eyes

   With great power comes a great electric bill.

   Today is National "Women Shut Up If your not Talking About Football" Day. GO COWBOYS!!!!!

   thinks a GPS should just say warm...warmer...no idiot - cold...warmer...hot...ur frickin on FIRE! You have arrived at your destination.

   thinks that thinking about the thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think

   Just tried to wake my wife up, by throwing skittles at her... yelling, Wake Up, and taste the rainbow.

   When you meet someone online & you fall in love is that considered love & first site?

   Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great... I know this is too much for you, so here is a shortcut - Just think about me.