Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   voted most likely to get "slapped" in High-School

   wonders when John Mellencamp will write a song about the plight of the Facebook farmer?

   that sometimes you just meed to be with the person who makes you smile even if that means waiting

   doesn't have to make sense to be funny!

   If your dog fits in your purse, send it back, it's a rat in a dog suit.

   lost her virginity, but still has the box it came in.

   To bring attention to testicular cancer week, I am telling you my boxer briefs are black.

   In a PBS world with a HBO mind...

   going to church does not make you religious anymore than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger

   If only I had alzheimer's , then I too could join the easter egg hunt. :(

   R.I.P Paul The Psychic Octopus... Coming to a Sushi bar near you!

   San Francisco bans toys in Happy Meals.... Mayor McCheese vows to "Take it to the Supreme Court, if necessary"

   Mr. Dentist you can b*tch at me all day to start flossing, but the truth is I'm more likely to watch Jersey Shore than I am to floss. I'd rather have a pincone shoved up my a$$ than watch jersey shore. So unless you've got a pinecone, stop wasting my time

   When you don't have love, it is like there's a party going on and everybody was invited except for you ... and you just happen to walk by that house in the rain ...

   AHHHH-CHOO!!!........٩(-̮̮̃•̃)۶....If you are allergic to bullcrap, drama queens, head games, liars, two-faced fake people, keep this sneeze going.....

   Why is Lou Dobbs hiring illegal aliens when Toni Braxton needs the work?

   Finally Bert and Ernie can quit living in sin!!! #onelove

   Went to the gym this morning and was amazed by this one chicks extreme workout . She must of done at least 5- 6 reps of selfies .

   Wow!!!,,,, this ice cream scoop really brings out your eyes.

   Colts..."Who's got big ball's, We got big ball's, we got the biggest balls of them all!!!!