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Page: 314 of 6384
someday I'll sit down with my grandchildren to watch "Airplane" and they'll say, "I can't believe they used to just let people get on planes"
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11-18-2010 18:10 by
mickeybruce
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expecting life to treat you fairly because you're a good person is like expecting the bull not to charge at you because you're a vegetarian.
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11-25-2010 14:14 by
Chris
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There are only two people I trust in this world... One is myself, and the other one is NOT you.
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11-30-2010 07:40
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Who among us has not proclaimed into the whir of a fan, "Luke. I am your father."
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12-14-2010 13:10 by
Sara
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getting his eraser ready for two weeks of me putting 2010 on all my papers.
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01-01-2011 18:13
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just had a near death experience and other peoples' lives flashed before my eyes…I have GOT to stop being so f@#king nosey…
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01-20-2011 10:42 by
M.A.C.
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Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline for a few hours.
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01-23-2011 09:14 by
lemonpillow
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I think the sudden stardom of Justin Bieber marks the beginning of the apocalypse.
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04-10-2010 23:36 by
The Fred
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wifes cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
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04-14-2010 17:09 by
Reed
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If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively, it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love.
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09-08-2010 15:19 by
jdpower
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Nothing's more chaotic than when the Task Manager freezes too.
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09-18-2010 20:46
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I was escorted out of the funeral before I was done high fiving everyone.
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10-06-2010 12:09 by
Aaron
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nothing better than waking up to multiple "like"s on ur facebook status
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10-07-2010 10:50
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The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.
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10-12-2010 11:30 by
Aaron
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I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn't pronounce it.
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01-17-2010 21:36
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"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office." - Robert Frost
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01-22-2010 07:35 by
jake
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My boss asked me to take an anger management class today. I told him I was angry enough with management as it is!
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01-25-2010 09:21 by
Lemonpillow
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It's not an official disaster until Bono sings about it.
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02-13-2010 12:40 by
lemonpillow
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read that Toyota is asking all Prius owners to return cars to the dealerships as slowly as they possibly can.
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02-18-2010 09:55 by
marymc
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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02-25-2010 18:19
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