Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Dont go broke trying to look RICH....act your wage!
←Rate | 01-09-2012 21:35 by Jacko77 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm wearing my pajamas and buying booze at 10 am on a Tuesday…Yeah,,I probably don't need a receipt
←Rate | 01-18-2012 20:11 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.
←Rate | 04-04-2012 21:24 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon boobs are proof that guys can pay attention to two things at once
←Rate | 04-07-2012 19:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you single single or internet single?
←Rate | 10-21-2011 16:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you're with the right person, you feel the perfect balance of happy and horny.
←Rate | 04-30-2012 00:55 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Steven Tyler looks like a zombie crawling out of a drag queen's hamper.
←Rate | 05-13-2012 09:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know exactly who's health I'm drinking to, but they're going to be immortal at this rate
←Rate | 04-23-2012 21:24 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey, if you stay really quiet and listen very, very closely, You can hear the beautiful sound of you shutting the f$ck up.
←Rate | 05-14-2012 21:11 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Then it's a life of piracy on the high seas.
←Rate | 05-21-2012 19:27 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can always count on mom's to gasp in horror when you're about to hit a car that's 300 yards away.
←Rate | 12-16-2011 12:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook needs to add these to the relationship status options: (1) Messing around, (2) Using someone, (3) Afraid to commit, (4) With so-and-so until something better comes along.
←Rate | 12-17-2011 02:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Im sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid ... I really thought you already knew!
←Rate | 01-30-2012 16:27 by Missy Comments (0)  


   messageicon has found that when my son says "the other day", it can mean any time up to a year ago.
←Rate | 02-21-2012 12:37 by Maureen Comments (0)  


   messageicon The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it”
←Rate | 02-25-2012 21:16 by Maureen Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes you wish you could just fast forward time just to see if in the end it's all worth it,..
←Rate | 06-06-2012 12:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The week seems to go by at the speed of a snail. Unless it's the weekend. Then the snail is driving a Ferrari.
←Rate | 06-11-2012 22:09 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon When Bill Gates feels like a million bucks, he's having a crappy day.
←Rate | 06-12-2012 15:28 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon My brain is about as organized as the WalMart $5 DVD bin.
←Rate | 07-01-2012 22:17 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon when I have a headache , I take 2 asprins and keep away from children . jus like it says on the bottle.
←Rate | 07-02-2012 09:59 Comments (0)  




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