Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dancing with the Stars 2011: The last time I saw the names of these "stars" was when I last played the Trivial Pursuit "Nobody Gives a Crap" Edition.

   Figured out what AT&T meant by 3G...it means my signal is Going....going....gone

   Ok Charlie , If thats winning I want to be a loser the rest of my life

   Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.

   ALERT SENIORS TEXTING CODE……..ATD..At The Doctors. BFF..Best Friend Fell. BTW..Bring the Wheelchair. BYOT..Bring Your Own Teeth

   I can text my bank and they will text me back my balance... I could do without the LOL at the end of it though.

   drinking at the bar so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you... but I've never driven a bus before.

   When people tell me I can't do something, I prove them wrong by complaining about it on Facebook.

   I'm going to take a much needed break from reality, so I'm logging off, and getting some work done...

   "A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week."

   I love when girls say "i don't mind" as if anyone cares...

   Closest thing I ever got to a hug growing up, was the scientist picking up the test tube!

   You know what sucks? Having a dream so realistic you have to think hard if it really happened or not. o_O

   Some people are still alive today only because it's against the law to kill them

   Most people like to say living the dream, I perfer to say surviving the nightmare.

   The awkward moment when one of your friends has the same facebook status as you...Damn this page.. they are onto me!

   "The uıǝʇsuıǝ secret ʇɹǝqlɐ to ʎq creativity ǝʇonb is knowing how to hide your sources."

   Going to McDonalds for a salad is like paying a Hooker for a hug!

   Having a girlfriend is like racking up credit card debit. Exciting for awhile, before becoming a financial burden that prevents you from enjoying cool activities with your friends

   Duke Nukem Forever delayed again....They really are making Duke Nukem FOREVER..!