Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I quess Kate Steinle didn't look enough like Obama's daughters for him to give a damn about her.

   above the influence.

   Hey republican..ssshhhh....you had me at "common sense"

   Dear lord thankyou for these noodles i'm about to eat, ramen

   Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles? He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

   When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"

   I'd also like to learn how to spell GIANT one of these days

   wonders if it's ironic that I have facebook open in another tab.....you do to dont you

   Don't worry NBA players, Kim Kardashian will let you slam balls in her hole!

   OK. So we tortured a bunch of terrorists. Big Whoop. How many of us have they killed?

   .... Naw ... Blinded by the light ... Revved up like a deuce ..... Another runner in the night .... Yup, Bet that cuts the odds a bit.

   Some people seem to read the Bible a lot as they get older. Maybe they think they're cramming for their finals.

   Barack Obama will now use this convenient news of killing of Osama Bin Laden as his biggest selling point to the voters for the 2012 Presidential Election. "Under my watch, we took down Bin Laden..."

   ooh lookie my mood ring is a beautiful shade of I dont give a crap

   Some people sing to plants to help them grow. That's one reason I scream at the top of my lungs the entire time I mow.

   Sometimes I like to press ‘2' for spanish….and scream, “LA MIGRA!!!! RUN FOR THE TUNNELS!!!!!”

   Marriage tip: If you are sleeping in separate beds everynight its time to call it quits.

   ice seems to be able to make even the most graceful of people turn into really bad break dancers.....

   I always thought visiting Egypt would be fun. Now I hear it's a RIOT!!

   Goodbye Mr Coffee. Hello Mr Southern Comfort.