Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   45. People who call with blocked numbers deserve to not get answered!

   When is cinco de mayo?

   So, just wondering...Is the Navy seal who shot Bin Laden going to get the 25 million bounty he so rightly deserves???? HE SHOULD!!!!

   Happy Cinco de drinko, Viva la tequila!!

   For those who will celebrate Cinco de Mayo with "authentic" 36% beef tacos, we pray to the Lord.

   a mariachi band, is making fajitas, and organizing chihuahua races in the backyard to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. You know you want to be here...

   Oops....Apparently throwing fireworks at people in McDonald's parking lot & yelling Happy Cinco De Mayo is frowned upon : (

   Marie Osmond remarried her first husband 26 years after their divorce. I wish her and Donny all the best

   Happy Cinco de Mayonnaise!

   Cinco De Mayo, the only day Americans want to be Mexican

   For you GRINGOS who want to celebrate Cinco de Mayo the right way, you'll need the following: A Loud Mariachi Band, Fajitas, Chihuahua Races in the Backyard, Have all of your guests carpool in one car, and lots of Corona and Tequila! ¡Viva la raza!

   I can always tell when it is Senior Citizen Discount Day at the grocery near my house. All the blue parking spaces are double parked.

   Cinco de mayo : or as I call it...The day that all the people who complain about Mexicans all the sudden want to celebrate their holiday just so they have a reason to drink today..

   got a phone call asking to donate clothes for the starving people of the world..I laughed so hard I cried..if they can fit in my clothes they ain't starvin'!

   If you see a profile pic with 1 fat girl and 1 pretty girl and can't figure out who's profile it is, make no mistakes… it's the fat one's.

   Cheated on Facebook with my real life today.

   The best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup, but the worst part of waking up is Folgers out your ass.

   Just found out my "Sleep Number" is good Old Number 7 good ole Jack Daniels

   may the 5th of jack be with you

   Cinco de Mayo....not 1 yard will be mowed today!!