Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from google know it's urgent.

   Judging by how many people brazenly wander into traffic while staring at their phone, there must be some force-field app I don't know about.

   Dont worry people, you can still wear your LiveStrong braclets. Just cross out the V.

   Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don't make the rules people.

   If you are one of those people on Facebook that does the little "Questions about people?" apps... Before you post one on my wall... Do me a BIG favor... Look in the mirror and hit yourself in the head with a hammer one time for me... Thanks!!! /:)

   Sometimes I fake dumbness just to see how far people will go with their lies.

   Part of me says I can't keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don't listen to that guy. He's drunk."

   I have a lot of people in my phone with the last name "FromTheBar".

   Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, "I don't know. I don't speak Chinese." Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means.

   If I ever go missing I want my picture on a 40 oz beer rather than a milk carton, because I want fun people to find me.

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't spell.

   Try this for fun: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people's cars saying "Sorry for the damage." Watching them is priceless.

   Went to the movies. There must have been 400 people. Most of them were not there to see the movie, but to compete in a popcorn box and chocolate wrapper rustling competition. Others came to cough.

   If someone calls you a freak just thank them. Nothing throws people off like a proud, polite freak.

   10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.

   hates it when he goes to a Vuvuzela concert and people start playing football...

   "I'd hit that" -old people who drive

   wondering, how many rich people in Nigeria is there? Cause every day, according to my emails, at least 5 die & want to leave me their money...

   To hate a person is a waste; half the people you hate don't care, and the other half don't know.

   I have Started a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there