Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 358 of 6385
Chances are if you're using a pay phone, sh*t's not going well.
God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts...
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09-29-2010 07:10
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Note to vegetarians: My food poops on your food. Enjoy that salad!
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10-14-2010 22:06 by BEGO
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trying to think of a good way to show off to everyone the superman underwear I got for Christmas.
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12-31-2010 03:15 by ff1241
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Back in my day they never shut our school down for snow.. They just moved the school and made us walk further..
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01-10-2011 16:00 by timboss
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I just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"
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01-11-2011 14:09 by scottyp
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People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.
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12-29-2009 09:00 by Brades
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I think people would be less likely to piss me off if they knew how much I watch Forensic Files
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07-15-2010 19:18 by Joser
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I choose my outfit with great care every day, because if today is the day I become a zombie, these are the clothes I'll be wearing forever.
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08-02-2010 08:40 by CS
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Ya know those signs you see in towns that say, "Drive careful, we love our children?" Well DUH, you're not gonna see a sign that says, "GUN IT, WE'LL MAKE MORE!"
Come to think of it, I've never seen a KFC or McDonalds under construction. They just show up!
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09-01-2011 01:18
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My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
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09-04-2011 19:55 by Aaron
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I've managed to keep a plant alive for 6 months now, so obviously I'm ready for a relationship.
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09-05-2011 20:14
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If I ever mess anything up I am just gonna say, "It's not like I sung the national anthem wrong in front of the whole world or something."
Welcome to Facebook where whine is served 24 hrs a day.
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02-08-2011 06:23
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Wow! I just had a multiple sarcasm...
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02-10-2011 14:24
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Ladies would you prefer a man to just say, "I just want to have sex with you" from the start?
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05-31-2011 00:55
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I wish I could commute by roller coaster.
IN CASE OF FIRE: Please exit the building immediately before updating your Facebook status about it.
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08-05-2011 07:38
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I just watched a mattress commercial where the lady said, "It feels really good, no matter what position I'm in".....Why can't I meet a woman like that????
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04-14-2011 19:04 by scottyp
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