Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 208 of 6384
I predict Peppermint Patty invites herself and her friends over to Charlie Brown's for Thanksgiving again this year
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11-23-2011 13:29 by Snotty
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I tried cooking with wine for the first time last night ...After 5 glasses I forgot why I was in the kitchen.
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11-15-2012 14:15
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Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna' be a great day.
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03-31-2010 12:17 by Shamus
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I puked in the backseat of my friend's brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn't any social networking back then, so I'm telling you now...
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04-01-2013 15:06 by eengrms
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Even Joe Biden said stricter laws won't stop the problem. If they can't enforce the laws already on the books what makes them think they can enforce these?
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04-10-2013 13:17
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Everyone always makes fun of my man purse until I bust out a bottle of wine, a bag of weed, a bong, milk, cookies and a cheese platter.
A baby's laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it's 3am. And you're home alone. And you don't have a baby
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06-11-2013 06:05 by flinnie
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It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, or vacuum cleaner.
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11-01-2009 18:13
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It's not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
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07-14-2015 11:39
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When cats and dogs finally rise up against us, the first thing they'll do is strap Santa hats to our heads and take pictures.
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12-10-2011 06:02 by flinnie
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is just me or do buffalo wings taste a lot like chicken?
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10-23-2011 14:10
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Mark Zuckerberg got married today. His new wife set her relationship status to "CHA-CHING!!"
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05-20-2012 22:40 by BEGO
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Today's Forecast: Mostly Grumpy with a 60% chance of Grouchy. High of Mean/Low of Nasty. A Temper Tantrum warning is in effect. Take immediate shelter!
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02-08-2011 10:41
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not sure which pants to wear today... smarty or fancy.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
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09-30-2011 15:56 by shuttdogg
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So wait, if I post a letter without a stamp and just put the intended address as the return address, won't it be sent there anyway?
Anything related to Halloween doesn't scare me. What scares me is when I flush someone else's toilet and the water keeps rising
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10-22-2011 15:24 by Daheavy1
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McDonald's is planning to open a restaurant every day in China for the next four years. It's nice — When kids get their Happy Meal toy, they're like, 'Cool! I made this.'
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08-05-2011 21:00
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I drink while I work out. I call it Bacardio.
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01-25-2012 09:52 by Griff
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The rules were already broken when I got here.
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10-25-2010 09:31 by Aaron
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