Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Don't you hate it when you get texts from people like "ok" or "ya" and you don't know what to say so you just don't text back.

   Hosting a little family dinner party tomorrow. Do you think 1 box of Cheerios will be enough for 6 people?

   Since almost 7 billion people live on Earth now, the statement "you're one in a million" really isn't that much of a compliment anymore.

   I don't smoke pot. But hang with people who do. They have great snack ideas, and if you're broke, it is a good group to hang out with for a free meal. If all they're stoned, just start talking about pizza, or fried chicken. Snack time!

   I haven't had sex my wife in a year and she's 6 weeks pregnant. Take that people that don't believe in miracles.

   The things I've seen while hiding in someone's closet are shocking sometimes... there are some sick people out there.

   When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?

   seize the moment! Remember all those people on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart...

   People never say, "Boy that was sure a great Ben Affleck movie".

   I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people............

   Only in America - do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front of the store

   just bought a new game for my x box, its about a black man who drives around crashing cars sleeping with hoes and fighting with people, its called tiger woods PGA tour 2010

   People are so predictable..I bet you're even reading this status right now.

   Hey girls,the best time to give a blowjob is when there's a football game on TV. It sounds like 50,000 people are cheering for you.

   Where do people go when they unfriend you???... Is it a better place???

   Today, the Apple iPad turns five years old. So it's official. The iPad is as old as the people who make it.

   I'll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I'm thinking to myself..."Umm...isn't that what real life is for?"

   Lately I've been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...

   Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"

   A Brief History of Our Times: As televisions became flatter, people became rounder.