Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight"? I said, "At the first sight of what"?
In the cookies of life FRIENDS are the chocolate chips
REMINDER: Don't forget to hand out White Chocolate this Halloween so that little Black kids can get their faces dirty too!
Hey mylife, I can promise you, 28 people are NOT searching for me! Quit lying!
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10-07-2010 13:13 by Michael
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knows where all the purses are!
the guy at subway put the potato chips on my sandwich without me even asking. either he's stoned or he knows that I am
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10-07-2010 12:55 by levon
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Lumber companies have a lot of board meetings..
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10-07-2010 12:46 by Aaron
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6 out of 10 people wash their hands after using the bathroom, 4 out 10 use soap, 3 out of 10 actually wait for the water to get hot also.
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10-07-2010 11:51
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OH NO!!!! My purse is gone! How did they know where I keep it?
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10-07-2010 11:46 by AT
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If at first you don't succeed, try relaxing your jaw a little more.
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10-07-2010 11:27 by Aaron
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Just entered hour nine of an overly-dramatic sigh.
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10-07-2010 11:22 by Aaron
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How do you find will smith in the snow? Look for the fresh prints...
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10-07-2010 11:18 by Thrasher
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nothing better than waking up to multiple "like"s on ur facebook status
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10-07-2010 10:50
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Wouldnt ot be nice if breast implants came with a squeaky toy inside them.
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10-07-2010 10:24 by @TeeWuu86
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Yeah :) ... I like it on Your shoulder ... and don't ever try to tell me to " hold it ! "
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10-07-2010 10:13 by David Z
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Dear God, it's a new working week. When in trouble, please give me the strength & courage to use the lines once used by a visionary. "Sc**w you guys, I'm going home" - Sir Eric Cartman
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10-07-2010 09:41 by Vick
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I like to think I'm an Edward, a really gay British Edward.
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10-07-2010 09:34 by Rounders
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Won employee of the month again! I love being self employed.
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10-07-2010 09:33
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going to buy a boat some day and name it "Cirrhosis of the River"
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10-07-2010 08:53
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ladies, regardless of where you like it...just don't ask us to hold it.