Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5555 of 6446

Give a person an inch, they take a round trip flight across the country AND bill you for it.

Count to ten before the lightning strikes, if days are dark find something that's bright. Different colors paint a picture of our lives, just close your eyes!
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10-26-2010 13:13
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The Touch, the Feel of Lindsay Lohan; the crackhead of our lives
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10-26-2010 13:07
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My boss questioned my enthusiasm today. I can't believe he woke me up just to tell me that.

HOW DOES A PERSON WITH EPILEPSY INTERPRET "CARPE DIEM"?
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10-26-2010 12:09 by Jayson
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...little boy writes to Santa: please send me a sister. Santa writes to little boy: ok, send me your mother.

Only 9,000 more lies until Election Day.
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10-26-2010 11:28 by jdpower
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I don't get mad, don't throw temper tantrums and I don't hold grudges..I am a very mature girl....but YOU are not allowed in my treehouse anymore!!!
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10-26-2010 11:28 by Charlie
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A handful of Nigerian scam artists are wrecking it for all the honest Nigerians who want to wire money to us.
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10-26-2010 11:04 by jdpower
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The next time someone annoys you so much you just wanna slap them… Do it and say, “Mosquito” and quickly walk away.
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10-26-2010 11:01 by Michael
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...the monkey's out of the bottle, man.

It's called FACEBOOK, not OPENBOOK. You can keep somethings to yourself.....
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10-26-2010 09:44 by TOM
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Expect the best, Prepare for the worst.
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10-26-2010 09:43
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I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.
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10-26-2010 09:43
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ALL UR LIES you SAID, ' I love U' WAS MY FAVOURITE
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10-26-2010 09:42
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the guy who put the hole in the ozone layer.
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10-26-2010 09:38
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at the Library waiting for the opportune moment to fire my air horn
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10-26-2010 08:29
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RIP Paul The Psychic Octopus... I wonder if he saw that one coming?
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10-26-2010 08:11 by trickz100
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R.I.P Paul The Psychic Octopus... Coming to a Sushi bar near you!
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10-26-2010 08:08 by trickz100
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Candy corn that has the chocolate bottom is an insult to Halloween and America.
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10-26-2010 08:08
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