TOM Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Whenever I exit a public toilet, I make sweaty eye contact with the person waiting & say "Top that, cowboy."
←Rate | 08-19-2010 21:26 by Tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon why is it after I press 1 for english, I still cannot understand the person on the other line?
←Rate | 09-22-2010 17:33 by TOM Comments (0)  

   messageicon Has anyone checked on Tupac lately? He hasn't put out a posthumous album in quite a few years.
←Rate | 08-14-2010 16:58 by Tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll bet if Andy Capp's wife took that stupid rag off her head and dolled herself up a bit, maybe he wouldnt have to get drunk all the time...
←Rate | 08-14-2010 16:53 by Tom Comments (1)  

   messageicon People are busting my balls because I still have a landline. I can't get rid of it though because it matches my abacus....
←Rate | 08-18-2010 10:13 by Tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's called FACEBOOK, not OPENBOOK. You can keep somethings to yourself.....
←Rate | 10-26-2010 09:44 by TOM Comments (0)  

   messageicon In it's purest sense, redistribution of wealth is when I buy dogfood, feed it to my dogs, and they sh#t it out all over my yard...
←Rate | 03-26-2010 09:29 by Tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I ride alone with a random guy in an elevator I'll wait a sec then ask "two man killing spree?"
←Rate | 08-23-2010 08:22 by Tom Comments (8)  

   messageicon If Death hands you lemons, just eat them. Peels and all. It really doesn't matter at that point.
←Rate | 08-09-2010 20:12 by Tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon Worrying Is like a rocking chair, sure it gives you something to do but in the end, it gets you nowhere.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 16:56 by TOM Comments (0)  

   messageicon Left Cocoa Puffs on the Eater Bunnys chair at the mall!
←Rate | 04-21-2011 23:57 by tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon ESPN reports that Manny Pacquiao has filed sexual harassment and inappropriate touching charges against Floyd Mayweather for all the hugging and grabbing from Saturday night's fight.
←Rate | 05-04-2015 13:27 by Tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon From now on, whenever my toilet gets clogged I'm going to call it a "top kill."
←Rate | 08-09-2010 20:17 by Tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon A rolling stone gathers no moss, and that's the last time I hire Keith Richards to do my landscaping...
←Rate | 08-18-2010 10:03 by Tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon Having correctly predicted the vampire craze, I now boldly predict the next pop culture phenomenon. Butlers.
←Rate | 08-14-2010 16:56 by Tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon Charles D*ckens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"
←Rate | 08-23-2010 18:25 by Tom Comments (6)  

   messageicon the "Poke" should display the time of "Poke" that way you know when there thinking of you most!
←Rate | 12-17-2011 00:26 by tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon This economy is so bad I actually saw a guy in the back of a limo hand another guy in a limo a bottle of generic yellow mustard.
←Rate | 08-09-2010 20:14 by Tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon The price of gold is at an all-time high. If I were a young rap artist, I think I'd ride out the storm in graduate school.
←Rate | 08-14-2010 16:55 by Tom Comments (0)  

   messageicon My friend, Eddie, spends several hours a day lubricating an old bench clamp... It's one of his many vices.
←Rate | 08-22-2010 19:13 by Tom Comments (1)  


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