Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When I see a ugly girl looking In the mirror I like run to the mirror & throw water at it & say,"see your ugliness made it cry"....

   Went down the doctors today because I have been hearing voices coming from my Pants.The doctor said " Ignore them they're just Talking Bollocks!"

   Facebook employee got fired....Why? He was on Facebook every day at work.

   I want to break down your wall so I can build another one around us.

   I'm wearing that smile you gave me.

   The world is at peace when you're eating a burrito.

   Hey websites, I will always "skip intro", so knock it off.

   I never quite know exactly what I'm talking about.

   It's true we don't know what we've got until its gone, but we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

   Someone from Facebook Design should write about why they made the news feed font smaller. I just want to understand why.

   I can hear the Pink Panther theme song playing inside my head. I may or may not be getting into all kinds of mischief this afternoon.

   I say "haha" or "lol" in almost every single text message I write.

   Immediately updating your relationship status on Facebook after a fight for the 10th time this week is annoying, cut it out.

   Sometimes you gotta have a Jimmy Carter before you can have a Ronald Reagan.

   They say the universe is expanding...shouldn't that ease up the traffic?

   lesson of the day ; never sneeze while you pee

   I can rise, and I can shine... I just can't do both at the same time.

   Trust me when I say its better to walk in on both of your parents making love than just one of them !

   I have discovered that there are two sides to every argument. First and foremost, there is my side, and then there is the side that no reasonably intelligent, informed, sane, and self-respecting person could possibly hold.

   "Just Gonna Stand There And Watch Me Burn, Well That's Alright Because I Like The Way It Hurts" - Joan of Arc