Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Just because you saw a movie with singing, it doesn't mean you can sing when you get out....the same applies to Karate movies.
←Rate | 11-27-2010 22:38 by TDN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Macaroni wouldn't be nothing if it weren't for cheese. Cheese, on the other hand, doesn't need macaroni to stay pimp. I think we all know who wears the pants in the macaroni and cheese relationship.
←Rate | 11-27-2010 19:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon only in Texas, this time of the year, does the weather change so drastically that you are put in a situation where the downstairs a/c makes the upstairs heater come on...
←Rate | 11-27-2010 19:47 by bcburton@hughes.net Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cranberry sauce is seriously misnamed. Sauce doesn't retain the shape of the can it comes in. Let's call it what it is. That stuffs cranberry jello.
←Rate | 11-27-2010 19:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon received a warning that aliens are abducting all of the sexy people in the world! Don't panic, you are safe! I am just writing to say goodbye!
←Rate | 11-27-2010 19:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's funny...they leave the vault doors wide open in banks but somehow have those .50 cent pens chained to the tables.
←Rate | 11-27-2010 19:43 by Danmanz Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why is it that car commercials know which old songs were good but oldies radio stations don't?
←Rate | 11-27-2010 19:26 by Luka Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Jim Rockford was such a good detective, how come he could never figure out that he wasn't going to get paid?
←Rate | 11-27-2010 19:16 by Luka Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanksgiving leftovers idea #57: Turkey margarita.
←Rate | 11-27-2010 19:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so hungry I could eat a Sarah Jessica Parker
←Rate | 11-27-2010 18:52 by mickeybruce Comments (0)  


   messageicon the first rule of Sam's Club is that you will not admit that you were stupid enough to go there on Black Friday
←Rate | 11-27-2010 18:50 by mickeybruce Comments (0)  


   messageicon Writing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger. It. Makes. It. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has. Asthma.
←Rate | 11-27-2010 18:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bruce Lee, Jimi Hendrix and Bill Nye all have the same birthday. And that day is today. November 27th should be renamed Awesome Day
←Rate | 11-27-2010 18:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear radio stations. I appreciate that you waited until after Thanksgiving to start in with the Christmas music... but could you tone it down a little bit? You're gonna kill it for me if it goes on like this for a month. Thank you
←Rate | 11-27-2010 17:26 by ssortrebor Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alright, Captain Morgan, I'll make you a deal....I'll stop drinking when you put your foot down.
←Rate | 11-27-2010 17:04 by Lesley Comments (1)  


   messageicon I love Beer. I would marry Beer if I could. ''Do you, Beer, take me to be your awfully wetted wife....until a DUI do us part? I LOVE YOU, BEER!"
←Rate | 11-27-2010 17:01 by Lesley Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pouring milk on Doritos and pretending it's cereal isn't as good of an idea as I thought it would be.
←Rate | 11-27-2010 15:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Failed my Politics exam. The question was "Describe the role that India plays in the modern world." Apparently "Tech Support" is not the correct answer.
←Rate | 11-27-2010 14:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy. The 1st is to take her shopping.. The rest is 69..
←Rate | 11-27-2010 14:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Im tired.Ive just finished painting all the rocks in my garden white...Just in case my neighbour wants a snow ball fight later this week.
←Rate | 11-27-2010 14:01 Comments (0)  




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