Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5456 of 6446

Just because you saw a movie with singing, it doesn't mean you can sing when you get out....the same applies to Karate movies.
←Rate |
11-27-2010 22:38 by TDN
Comments (0)

Macaroni wouldn't be nothing if it weren't for cheese. Cheese, on the other hand, doesn't need macaroni to stay pimp. I think we all know who wears the pants in the macaroni and cheese relationship.
←Rate |
11-27-2010 19:48
Comments (0)

only in Texas, this time of the year, does the weather change so drastically that you are put in a situation where the downstairs a/c makes the upstairs heater come on...

Cranberry sauce is seriously misnamed. Sauce doesn't retain the shape of the can it comes in. Let's call it what it is. That stuffs cranberry jello.
←Rate |
11-27-2010 19:45
Comments (0)

received a warning that aliens are abducting all of the sexy people in the world! Don't panic, you are safe! I am just writing to say goodbye!
←Rate |
11-27-2010 19:44
Comments (0)

It's funny...they leave the vault doors wide open in banks but somehow have those .50 cent pens chained to the tables.
←Rate |
11-27-2010 19:43 by Danmanz
Comments (1)

Why is it that car commercials know which old songs were good but oldies radio stations don't?
←Rate |
11-27-2010 19:26 by Luka
Comments (0)

If Jim Rockford was such a good detective, how come he could never figure out that he wasn't going to get paid?
←Rate |
11-27-2010 19:16 by Luka
Comments (0)

Thanksgiving leftovers idea #57: Turkey margarita.
←Rate |
11-27-2010 19:15
Comments (0)

I'm so hungry I could eat a Sarah Jessica Parker

the first rule of Sam's Club is that you will not admit that you were stupid enough to go there on Black Friday

Writing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger. It. Makes. It. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has. Asthma.
←Rate |
11-27-2010 18:50
Comments (0)

Bruce Lee, Jimi Hendrix and Bill Nye all have the same birthday. And that day is today. November 27th should be renamed Awesome Day
←Rate |
11-27-2010 18:30
Comments (0)

Dear radio stations. I appreciate that you waited until after Thanksgiving to start in with the Christmas music... but could you tone it down a little bit? You're gonna kill it for me if it goes on like this for a month. Thank you

Alright, Captain Morgan, I'll make you a deal....I'll stop drinking when you put your foot down.
←Rate |
11-27-2010 17:04 by Lesley
Comments (1)

I love Beer. I would marry Beer if I could. ''Do you, Beer, take me to be your awfully wetted wife....until a DUI do us part? I LOVE YOU, BEER!"
←Rate |
11-27-2010 17:01 by Lesley
Comments (0)

Pouring milk on Doritos and pretending it's cereal isn't as good of an idea as I thought it would be.
←Rate |
11-27-2010 15:40
Comments (0)

Failed my Politics exam. The question was "Describe the role that India plays in the modern world." Apparently "Tech Support" is not the correct answer.
←Rate |
11-27-2010 14:19
Comments (0)

There are 70 ways to keep a woman happy. The 1st is to take her shopping.. The rest is 69..
←Rate |
11-27-2010 14:02
Comments (0)

Im tired.Ive just finished painting all the rocks in my garden white...Just in case my neighbour wants a snow ball fight later this week.
←Rate |
11-27-2010 14:01
Comments (0)