Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The first Monday night game in Detroit in almost 10 years and the Lions aren't even playing in it!"

   Sociologists say San Francisco's birth rate is projected to decline sharply in the next decade. I'm actually rather surprised San Francisco has a birth rate.

   I always try to be unusually kind and compassionate to those around me during the holidays, because I never know who will end up being my Secret Santa.

   So if the Mayans are right, does that mean this is the last Christmas to be visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future?

   Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

   what does the Vikings football team and the Metradome have in common? They both collapsed under pressure this year

   There is no end to the lengths that Brett Favre will stoop to protect that streak of his. He must have been up all night cutting away on the roof of the Metrodome.

   ♫ Oh the weather outside is weather.... ♫

   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

   exploring the relationship between mistletoe and camel toe

   It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

   It doesn't matter if you win or lose until you lose

   *<[:{D> ho ho ho

   Already got my Halloween costume idea for next year...I'm reusing my Chewbacca costume from this year, putting a tight dress on it and going as Khloe Kardashian

   now on Farmville and has opened a McDonalds near your Farm... this could explain your missing livestock...

   My first day of fantasy camp turned out to be my last when I found out the "Jugs Machine" wasn't what I envisioned at all.

   ❒ Taken ❒ Single ✔ Taking singles to the strip club

   I've come here to chew bubble gum and get laid. Looks like I'm all out of bubble gum.

   Where do you go if you're addicted to rehab?

   Claustrophobia-The fear of Santa Claus