Dave Funny Status Messages
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Someone could get rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights. Grrr....
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11-19-2011 13:14 by Dave
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My car keys are kicking my ass at hide and seek.
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01-08-2011 15:00 by Dave
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walking down the street when this man hammering on his roof called me a paranoid little freak... In Morse code
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04-23-2010 10:58 by Dave
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The local car wash had a special "Brazilian Wax", now my car's carpet is gone....
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07-23-2016 22:44 by dave
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I'm pretty damn sure that Starbucks has no idea we're in a recession.
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01-08-2011 15:04 by Dave
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If the 'Dog Whisperer' were to be found out to be an illegal, and the boys from 'Cops' were after him, and he ran and hid in the woods, then the K-9 unit let the dogs loose ......now THAT'S a TV show I'd actually watch through the commercial breaks.....
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02-17-2011 09:57 by Dave
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his HOME button must be broken. I keep pressing it but I'm still at work.
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03-19-2010 16:04 by Dave
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Having sex is like playing poker. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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02-18-2011 22:26 by Dave
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why are wedding dresses white? because you want the dishwasher to match the rest of the appliances
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09-05-2017 11:14 by dave
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Eskimos supposedly have 52 words for snow. That's weird, so does Charlie Sheen.
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02-25-2011 15:49 by Dave
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I'm from England and have no idea who ray rice is....
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09-08-2014 17:47 by dave
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My kitchen smells like Ke$ha. (Tequila, lime and fish.)
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07-04-2011 01:32 by dave
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John Kellogg (the cereal tycoon) founded the Race Betterment Foundation, an organization which planned to sterilize minorities in the U.S.
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11-27-2014 15:01 by Dave
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masticating in a crowded restaurant.
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02-05-2010 12:24 by dave
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hanging out with Waldo.......Try to find me!
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03-12-2012 14:27 by Dave
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Just Heard Donald Sterling is planning on buying the Boston Bruins once he sells the Clippers!
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05-02-2014 19:28 by Dave
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cooler then the other side of the pillow
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06-04-2009 23:42 by Dave
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I just got a job in a reggae band playing the triangle, I just stand at the back n ting
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11-11-2014 16:57 by Dave
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What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside? A lift
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11-27-2014 16:50 by dave
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