Dave Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Someone could get rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights. Grrr....
←Rate | 11-19-2011 13:14 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon My car keys are kicking my ass at hide and seek.
←Rate | 01-08-2011 15:00 by Dave Comments (1)  

   messageicon walking down the street when this man hammering on his roof called me a paranoid little freak... In Morse code
←Rate | 04-23-2010 10:58 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon The local car wash had a special "Brazilian Wax", now my car's carpet is gone....
←Rate | 07-23-2016 22:44 by dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm pretty damn sure that Starbucks has no idea we're in a recession.
←Rate | 01-08-2011 15:04 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon If the 'Dog Whisperer' were to be found out to be an illegal, and the boys from 'Cops' were after him, and he ran and hid in the woods, then the K-9 unit let the dogs loose ......now THAT'S a TV show I'd actually watch through the commercial breaks.....
←Rate | 02-17-2011 09:57 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon his HOME button must be broken. I keep pressing it but I'm still at work.
←Rate | 03-19-2010 16:04 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon Having sex is like playing poker. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
←Rate | 02-18-2011 22:26 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon why are wedding dresses white? because you want the dishwasher to match the rest of the appliances
←Rate | 09-05-2017 11:14 by dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon Eskimos supposedly have 52 words for snow. That's weird, so does Charlie Sheen.
←Rate | 02-25-2011 15:49 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm from England and have no idea who ray rice is....
←Rate | 09-08-2014 17:47 by dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon My kitchen smells like Ke$ha. (Tequila, lime and fish.)
←Rate | 07-04-2011 01:32 by dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon John Kellogg (the cereal tycoon) founded the Race Betterment Foundation, an organization which planned to sterilize minorities in the U.S.
←Rate | 11-27-2014 15:01 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon masticating in a crowded restaurant.
←Rate | 02-05-2010 12:24 by dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon hanging out with Waldo.......Try to find me!
←Rate | 03-12-2012 14:27 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just Heard Donald Sterling is planning on buying the Boston Bruins once he sells the Clippers!
←Rate | 05-02-2014 19:28 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon cooler then the other side of the pillow
←Rate | 06-04-2009 23:42 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just got a job in a reggae band playing the triangle, I just stand at the back n ting
←Rate | 11-11-2014 16:57 by Dave Comments (0)  

   messageicon What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside? A lift
←Rate | 11-27-2014 16:50 by dave Comments (0)  


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