Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I figured out why I'm so fat! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says "for extra volume and body". I'm going to start using Dawn dish washing soap. It says "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove".

   Two wrongs may not make a right, but damn, sometimes it sure puts a smile on my face!

   “People will always talk about you. Might as well give them something to talk about.”

   I would like an order of ambition, & a side of focus, and a large coffee. And could you super size that please? It really needs to last for the rest of the day.

   Economists do it with models

   Instead of telling everybody what colour your damn bra is or to 'like' a certain page as show of support, put 10 bucks in the bloody tin at the shopping center if you really want to help the Japanese people who are reeling from the tsunami. Stop talking o

   wondering why facebook bothers to give us the option of "It's Complicated" in a relationship status. Aren't all relationships complicated because girls are complicated by nature?

   you're looking good today, have you decreased in mass?

   Are we living blind or blindly living??

   A relationship without trust and commitment is like pushing a door that says PULL. It just won't work

   if you ever get mauled by a bear with chain saw hands, I hope he stays away from your face because I think your cute <3

   just visited the virgin islands, and no wits just the islands.

   you're sleeping between a hot girl and a gay dude.You're all naked. who do you turn your back to when you sleep?

   New Life goal, make it to the bottom of my chapstick before  I lose it.

   I tell people to have a great weekend at noon on Mondays hoping they won't talk to me for the rest of the week.

   I need an app on my phone to connect to the morons Bluetooth driving next to me so I can fart in his ear.

   Dear guy who invented taking pictures of yourself in a mirror with a cell phone: Do you see what you've done? I hope you're happy.

   Instead of turning my clock ahead an hour tonight... I'm gonna turn my clock ahead about 6 hours. I will wake up feeling refreshed thinking I slept in late but still will have a full day ahead of me... WINNING!!!!

   Dear current rock music, put up or Shut Up. love, Classic Rock

   wondering if whales believe in karma