Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5143 of 6446

March 14th the males alternative to Valentines Day... Look it up ladies Saltgrass is sounding good!!!!

My son broke his Apple computer today and had the audacity to ask me to buy him a new one. I said, "Apples don't grow on f-kin trees you know!"
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03-14-2011 09:49
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My girlfriend said shes leaving me because I'm too reckless and keep taking stupid risks. I think that's what she said anyway. I was shaving my bollox with a chainsaw at the time.
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03-14-2011 09:45
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Hi. I'm probably on-line, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't message back, it's you
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03-14-2011 08:57
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this "by name" person needs a burning stick OR a red hot poker shoved up their izass
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03-14-2011 08:28
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This huge fat girl asked me how she looked in her short tight dress... I said PRECIOUS!
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03-14-2011 07:17
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"Who needs prostitutes when we have a government who screws us everyday and gets paid for it?"

I will be a good girl..I will be a good girl..I will be good girl. O hell, we all know that won't happen.

Life can be hard. Life can be fun. Life can be kind and life can be mean. Have the right attitude and life can be whatever you want it to be! Smile :)

If you dont like me remember its mind over matter, I dont mind and you dont matter

If we were in a locked room together,and there was two warewovles ,and I had a gun,with two silver bullets...I will soot you twice

when you focus on problems, you will have more problems. When you focus on possibilities, you will have more opportunities.

likes to take a marker pen and write 'Hammertime'' underneath the word ''Stop'' on stop signs
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03-14-2011 04:28
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You can't tell me to do that. It's like telling the NWA to stop being black.
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03-14-2011 00:35
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If I had to do it all over again, I'd have studied in school...OR tucked it like lady gaga and snorted everything like charlie sheen...society makes the ladder more appealing....
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03-14-2011 00:32 by M.A.C.
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A wise monkey never monkeys with another monkey's monkey!
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03-13-2011 23:00 by slick
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Women. You can't live with 'em, and yet they're everywhere.
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03-13-2011 22:59
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Dear people: Stop drunk texting. Sincerely, Cell Phone Companies
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03-13-2011 22:15 by Lesley
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I started a new job, Going good so far, Working as a comedian in an old folks home, I tell them jokes, They don't understand me,They still piss themselves...
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03-13-2011 21:20
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Everyday I think people can't get any more stupid and pretty much everyday I'm proven horribly wrong!