Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   feeling sofa king great today!!!!!

   -- I've just invented a wireless, battery-free, hand operated hair-dryer.....I'm calling it a 'Towel'. .....

   survived April Fools Day without being pranked, however there was a baby on my doorstep this morning, but i'm pretty sure thats unrelated.

   I've heard Drug Addiction, Smoke Addiction, Alcohol Addiction, Gamble Addiction... but TECHNOLOGY Addiction, now that's new!

   They say every cigarette you smoke takes 7 minutes off your life. I have now officially removed the adult-diaper years...

   I can't find my "Where's Waldo" book. Looks like he's won before we even started.

   I finally organized my clutter desktop. now I have everything in one tidy folder-labled "Desktop".

   Remembers how much better nostalgia used to be.

   I'd take your message of social upheaval much more seriously if your "Anarchy" patch hadn't been purchased at Hot Topic.

   Women want a fairytale romance. Men Just want a happy ending...

   wtf why does everyone on facebook think there models?

   Some of us have to learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.

   obviously sitting here staring at my computer screen waiting for a notification to suddenly pop up so I can have a moment of excitement.....i need a life!!!

   Happy Easter!!! Remember that laying on your back screeming OH GOD is not a substitue for going to church Sunday

   SCIENCE FACT: If you took all of the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.

   You know those couples where the wife is 40 something and looks like 20 something, and the husband makes over 100k and the teenagers are respectful and good looking and they go out to eat together on Friday nights as a family? I HATE those people!

   There are no winners when you're arguing to someone about Politics.

   Political speeches are like bull horns. A point here. A point there. And a lot of bull in between.

   Working on the art of the classic "Farmer Blow" technique. Figure I can save a lot of money on tissues with allergy season here.

   just heard that LITTLE TWIT Justin Bieber say "yo dawg" during an interview.. WTF !! When is his 15min gonna be up?